Who We Once Were - A Jolivia Story

Chapter 19

"What about Sabrina?" She asked quietly. She didn't believe him, she couldn't. None of this made any sense. He cared about Sabrina not her, he hated her.

 "Sabrina?" He echoed in the form a question. "What about her?" He asked furrowing her brow. 

"I know that you care about her, I've seen the way you two are together Josh. Dressing up with her for halloween, your music video with her? I was outside the morning of your birthday, I overhead you guys talking about having dinner together." She spoke quietly but firmly as she wiped away her tears with the back of her hand.

"Sabrina is just a close friend and nothing more Liv, I swear it. We had a mutual friend introduce us during quarantine and we clicked. She doesn't like me like that, and I can promise you I don't like her in that way." He sighed. "When I met Sabrina she was still is pining over her ex Griffin and now they're back together. The point is we just understood each other, she was still in love with Griffin and I was completely in lov-" He cut himself off again. Olivia stiffened and inhaled sharply. He took a deep breath. "And I was completely in love with you." He breathed out the words like they were simple fact.

"You don't mean that." She said shaking her head again. "Don't say that Josh." She spoke sadly. 

"I do Liv. I couldn't bring myself to admit it before but it's true." He said with a sort-of sad smile. "The only reason I had dinner with Sabrina on my birthday was because well, you and I weren't exactly talking, my family was stuck in another city, and I didn't want to spend the evening completely alone. We were close friends and she offered so I accepted." He shrugged his shoulders. "Halloween and the music video were the same. Neither of us had anyone to dress up with so we thought it'd be fun to dress up together. And I needed a place to film and a girl to be in my video during quarantine and Sabrina offered. Her sister Sarah had some videography experience and she could help with the video so it just made sense. But the song, the song was about you Liv, no matter the girl in the video the whole thing was about you. Most of my songs have been." He said shaking his head. "It killed me to see you with Ethan back then and so I did the only thing I could do, I wrote about it. Anyone Else just happened to be one of the many songs I wrote about you that my manager really liked, so we produced it." He said trying to get her to understand how much he truly cared about her.

"But I saw the pictures of you guys in your room, last night. I peaked my head in and saw the pictures everywhere. You used to have pictures of us up before everything happened, when we still talked, but there wasn't a single one. I don't believe you." She cried softly and he took a small and careful step towards her.

"I took down our photos because it was too hard to see your face everyday and not think about you. It was too hard to not want to just give up on everything and call you. It was too hard to see pictures of us happy together and know that we'd never be like that again and it was all my fault." He whispered as he blinked away a single tear that had been trying to escape.

"There was a day, back during quarantine when I called you." She started hesitantly and he nodded. "I had gotten into a bad fight with my mom and I needed to talk to you, I needed you." She cried a little trying to get the words out before taking a deep breath to collect herself a little bit. "It was like the 3rd time I called you that week and I didn't think you were gonna answer but you did, you did and it was like I could finally breathe again." She whimpered, hyperventilating a little bit between her words. "But then I tried to talk to you and you wouldn't even listen." She cried. "There was a girl there, Sabrina. You were laughing with her and you told me you call me later and you never did. You didn't care about me then, you cared about her." She said sadly.

"Liv I'm so sorry, I should've been there for you and there are no excuses but just hear me out." He sighed. "Claire was moving into her dorm room for university and the school is closer to Salt Lake then Oceanside. She had to quarantine for two weeks before she could move and we just figured she could quarantine with me then I'd drive her up, rather than my parents having to pay for a hotel room for two weeks. She was staying with me during that time when you called and you know how she is. We were goofing off and messing around and I hadn't seen her in a while. It was around the time when I was trying to put up some walls between us and the combination of having my sister there and that, well you know what happened. I'm not trying to excuse what I did Liv, and I'm sure as hell not asking you to forgive me. I just needed you to know the truth about everything. There is nothing and will never be anything going on between me and Sabrina. I swear." He said in a shaky voice. 

She couldn't respond, she didn't know how to. She didn't know what was worse, believing him and having to accept that he'd put her through all of that on purpose. Or maybe not believing him and just never understanding why she was never good enough. 

"Olivia?" He asked hesitantly. 

"I - I need to go home. I can't do this, I can't be here right now." She said speaking more to the ground than to Josh himself. 

"Liv-"

"No um," She cut him off holding up her hands. "Please just tell Tim I had an upset stomach or something and that I'll be good to go on Monday." She spoke softly, she hated how broken she sounded, how broken she felt. She pivoted quickly on her feet and walked out the door, making her way to her trailer. When she got there she gathered all her stuff and sent her mom a text to come get her. Everything she did felt robotic and stiff. She felt numb. She felt broken.

A/N - Here's part two to the big fight / explanation. I really hope you guys enjoyed! I promise our boy will not just be getting off the hook that easily don't worry. Anyways thoughts and feelings are amazing as always, votes are highly appreciated :) Ily all and last couple chapters are coming soon!!!