I admit:
This has been my favorite year.
...So far of course. Twenty-twenty was the shortest, longest year I have ever experienced. Time flew, yet somehow it dragged on. On some days, I felt as if I did not have enough time; on other days, I felt as if I had too much time to even know what to do with. I struggle on the days I have too much time. Now I understand why we love such a fast-paced society. It is distraction after distraction. We never stop. Our minds are occupied with priorities and drama; our ears are filled with noise and agendas; our bodies are coerced to lust, and are built to need company and connection and feelings. All of which was taken away this year (to certain degrees). So we were left wondering what to do in the still of the day and night; for this is foreign to us.
We were robbed of incentive, of motivation, of hope, of freedoms, of the things which sometimes are the only things that keep us going. Yet, as I sit back and reflect on the year, I love every minute of it. So maybe not every minute. But when you can genuinely say you are at peace with unfortunate things occurring, the bad can never outweigh the good. Since I speak in that sense, twenty-twenty was a great year. One of the best.
I don't know where to begin. So much happened. So much was said. So much was never said. Do I tell of what it was like to grow apart from people I was once so close to? Do I tell of the sleepless nights when pain accompanied me? Do I tell of the people who stuck by my side through difficulties? Do I tell of how I coped with the bad news? Do I tell of how I came to realize I am a misfit...the red in a sea of blue? Do I tell of my "dreaded" fall? I am a bit conflicted.
Do I tell of the good?
Do I tell of the bad?
I don't know.
The good and the bad occurred this year. I know why. I know why it all happened. Because it was meant to happen. Why was it meant to happen? I am not entirely sure, but that is okay. Living it out through the unknown is great because everything will be a little surprise. I live through the unknown, and known, with anticipation for what is next. Not in fear. Understand this please:
Living fearlessly does not mean living recklessly and dangerously.
I am tired of people thinking this. You know, the people who believe this tend to also believe it will all progressively get better. But in general, it won't. It doesn't. Could it even be said? Could I possibly argue that mankind has peaked already, and what we are experiencing is the fall? It is the fall of mankind, of the world, but not necessarily the individual, Lord willing. I believe as things get worse, people will "wake up" and start to regret their decisions in the latter days of this year. They stopped living out of fear of an inconvenience. And the years to follow will prove more and more that twenty-twenty was just a year of inconvenience.
But that is every year no? Every year we have to be cautious of the effects of our postdiluvian world. Every year we see the signs of the times. Every year! It is nothing new. Yet it was all marketed as new. And that which is "new" brings about worry and skepticism. Naturally of course. I was concerned. But you go out of your way to learn. You can't take anything at face value. You need to think for yourself. Whatever that means. But...I don't even think I think for myself. The thoughts I have are influenced by Morality. Perhaps thinking for yourself is a liberal concept. Because I thought for myself once, and my thoughts and opinions diverged from Christianity; I started to believe what the world believes. So maybe do not think for yourself. Let your new man think for you; because the new man is of Holiness and Perfection. At this point, I am just thinking out loud. Shall I stop? Before I...oh I don't know...add to the division?
It is funny. I went through the majority of the year calling for unity. But to have unity, true peace (worldwide) must be acquired. And this world will know none of it until the end. Division, in a way, has always been. And to think that man can bring about universal peace is so funny to me, especially now. That idea must be stopped. Man's ego is inflating. Man cannot bring about world peace and true unity. Man has to be of peace to know how to implement it. Who is man to believe true unity and peace can come from him? Just...who is man?!? I love man, flawed and all, for I am as man as you are, but we are so prideful. We believe all these lies...that we really are capable of perfection. We are not. Man is getting too much credit. And really, man should not be getting any credit. To give man credit is quite humanistic, in my half-formed opinion. I digress.
Twenty-twenty was a lovely year. I will leave it at that. I cannot write about it yet. Partially because I do not know how to. It seems that once every full blue moon I am able to capture these feelings and translate them into some poetic string of words. I cannot describe it entirely because I will never entirely comprehend it. It is not from me (man). But it doesn't hurt to try right? I will try but the world will never see those attempts. So I apologize now.
If I am being honest, this annual end of the year essay has been all over the place. But in a good way. Just like this year. Could I allow that to hit home my point? That twenty-twenty was a good year? For me specifically. Don't misunderstand this. I had my days when things were so hard. And when circumstances were unfavorable. But I have learned to not allow the bad to outweigh the good. Life is miserable with that mindset. That is when you live your days never counting your blessings. When anything and everything moderately to extremely good can be completely disregarded the second the unfortunate takes the stage. To live this way is so exhausting. Nothing ever gets done because time is wasted sulking and feeling sorry for things out of your control. By victimizing yourself and becoming your own oppressor for anything is so time-consuming. No progress can be made. And life will purposely become a struggle. That cannot be healthy.
Well, here is to twenty-twenty one. May it be even bigger and better than the years before. And may you find peace, comfort, and joy through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior; because you will need Him. I needed Him this year. And I will need Him for what is to come. The inevitable of course. The sooner the inevitable becomes a form of comfort to you, the sooner you will know some type of peace. To come to that type of peace for the inevitable is only possible through Christ. I believe we all know this already. So:
Happy New Year!
Thank you,
I love you all.
m.c.a
