Where It Stays | J. POTTER [1]

6 | okay

"When are you going to tell us who it is you hooked up with?" Sirius asked once again and James shot him a look. It had been almost a month since that night and Sirius still wouldn't let up. "Come on!" he exclaimed, "Do we know her?"

"This isn't a conversation I care to have," he reminded the boy pointedly, stabbing his food with a fork, "Just let it drop, would you?"

"I'll let it drop once you tell me who it is," he informed him and James dropped his fork, irritation clear on his face.

James' gaze flickered over to Maya for the briefest moment before landing back on Sirius, "Drop it."

"Lighten up, James," Sirius rolled his eyes, "It's just a bit of fun."

"There's a difference between fun and getting on someone's nerves," James pointed out, "And right now you're pissing me off."

"Maybe you should just let this one drop," Remus suggested as he glanced between Maya and James, "He'll tell you when he wants to."

Maya crossed her arms over her chest and frowned slightly. Remus didn't know for sure what had happened but he had definitely drawn some conclusions on his own.

"He'll never tell me."

"And that's his choice."

"But he-"

"Bloody hell, shut up Sirius!" Maya finally snapped and everyone within hearing range turned to gape at her. Her own eyes widened slightly as she realized everyone was now staring at her, "I mean...just let it go."

She looked up at her brother who was watching her with a curious expression. James sat awkwardly doing his best to look everywhere but at the girl. She placed her fork down with a tight smile and stood up, "I'm going to head back to the common room. I'll see you all later."

None of them protested her departure as she exited the Great Hall quietly. The door closed behind her and she let out a deep breath as she navigated her way out of the school.

She made her way to the lake, standing by the edge as she tried to collect her thoughts.

"Maya," someone spoke from behind her and she didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

"It's too hard," she frowned as she looked out across the water, not daring to look at the boy.

"What?" he asked although he already knew what she was referring to. He knew because he felt it too. Trying to be friends after what happened. Acting like nothing had happened at all.

She turned around with her arms crossed over her chest. She ignored the tears that had no doubt formed in her eyes and she hoped that he hadn't noticed. "All of it," her hands fell to her sides, "Trying to act like everything is okay when it's so clearly not."

"If I remember correctly, this was your idea," he reminded her, "You're the one who asked that I pretend it didn't happen. You're the one who refused to talk about it."

"I know, I just..." she let out a breath, shaking her head, "Why does everything have to be so complicated?"

"It doesn't have to be complicated."

"It's always going to be complicated," she countered, a frown forming on her face, "I never wanted anything to change."

"But it did," he informed her, "And ignoring it isn't working anymore."

"What else are we supposed to do?"

"I don't-I don't know," he frowned. Everything was so incredibly complicated. He knew what he wanted to do but he also knew that she so desperately wanted not to.

"I don't want to lose you James," she said honestly, her voice cracking as a tear finally fell from her eye. "I can't lose you."

"You aren't going to lose me," he told her, "I will always be right here."

She shook her head, "I can't risk it."

"Well we clearly can't go on pretending like we're just friends," he pointed out, running a hand through his hair, "It's not working."

"But we are just friends," Maya informed him, "Always have been, always will be."

"You and I both know that's a lie," he shook his head. "I just want you to be honest with me. That's all I ask."

"I'm not a good person James," she explained, "And I'm not good enough for you. You deserve someone who can give themselves over to you completely and I just...I can't."

He shook his head slightly before grabbing her hands and enveloping them in his own, "You are good, Maya. You're one of the best people I know."

She shook her head and she tried to pull her hands away but he only squeezed them gently. She closed her eyes for a brief moment and shook her head, "It won't work."

"We haven't even tried."

"I don't know how," she admitted. Because of everything that could have gone wrong with this, the one thing she had to avoid at all costs was hurting him. It wouldn't be fair to go halfway with something like this, not when he was all in.

"Then I'll help you," he replied, pulling her closer to him. He looked over her face and his voice dropped to a whisper, "Let me help you."

She scanned his face, looking for any sign that he was lying or he was just saying it to get her to agree. She wanted to believe him. She wanted to know that if they tried, everything would be okay. But she couldn't bring herself to open up to him that way, "I can't."

"What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm afraid you'll see me how I see myself."

He raised one of his hands to the side of her face and brushed a tear away with his thumb, "Nothing could change how I see you, Maya. You're perfect to me." His forehead rested against hers, "Give me a chance."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe he was right. Maybe, just maybe, she wasn't as awful as she thought. "Okay," she whispered, her voice barely audible. Because if James Potter had faith in her, maybe she wasn't doomed after all.

"Okay?" he repeated, trying to make sure he had heard her correctly.

She stood up on her tiptoes and slowly pressed her lips to his. He kissed her back softly and they pulled away from each other after a moment. "Okay," she replied before they both pulled each other to the other and pressed their lips back together eagerly.