Forever & Always

Chapter 13

Date: December 26, 2011
Location: Emily and JJs house

Emily's POV

It's around 7:30, I've been up for at least an hour but I don't move not because I can't, I just don't want to. I want to just stay here staring at the ceiling forever. I really don't want to get up and face people even though the team is my family. I don't want to walk about last night. I was loud last night so I know they heard me, they heard all my lies unraveling, I know there's going to ask questions and I'm not ready to answer them. They are going to hate me again, first I lie to them about knowing Doyle then I fake my death now the images of my perfect childhood are tainted.

I don't know what to do or how to explain this to everyone, it honestly doesn't really make sense to me. Nothing makes sense anymore, I thought I was ok but I guess Im not.

"Em?" JJ says with a sleepy voice.

"Hm... oh good morning beautiful." I say looking away from the ceiling.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks.

I contemplate on whether I should tell her. Eventually, I settle with a simple response or a lie, "Yeah I'm fine."

"You're lying and I know it. I've been up for the past 30 minutes watching you stare at the ceiling stuck in your own little world. I don't want to force things out of you so I'm going to ask you again and hope I get a real answer... What are you thinking about?" she says with concern.

"I was thinking about how I don't want to move, and how Im going to tell the team everything about my childhood about how they react," I say taking a deep breath. It felt good to get that out but that wasn't what was really weighing on me.

She grabs my hand, "There's something else I can tell."

I don't know why I try to hide things from her. She knows me better than I know myself, she can read me like a book. I take a deep breath trying to build up the confidence to be open. "They were right?"

"Who was right and about what?" she asked confused while sitting up on her elbows.

"Elizabeth and Oliver They were right about everything. I have abandonment issues and everyone that ever loved me left before I turned 18. That's why I can't trust people, along with the many other issues I have." I pause, "I hate to admit it but they are 100 percent right." I admit.

"First I want to say I love you so very much." She says then kissed my cheek. "Second, you don't have to talk about it to the team. If you tell them you're not ready or you just don't want to talk about it, they'll understand and leave it alone. Third I dont think theyre right, personally, I think you have every right not to trust people. You've been through too much to let people in so easily."

"But I don't want to lie to you guys anymore, I'm tired of hiding," I say, looking deep in her eyes.

"Ok then tell them when youre ready."

"I want to do it today." I blurt out.

"Are you sure it just happened, don't you want to take some time to process everything?" JJ asks, concerned.

"If I take time to process I'll back out and not tell them. I just want to get it over with."

"Ok, I'll be right by your side." She gets closer to me and pulls me in for a hug.

"Forever and always right?"

She chuckles, "Forever and always."

We lay there in each others arms until we start to hear the team wake up one by one. JJ wanted to have a big family breakfast so we had to get up and prepare. My foot feels a lot better but I'm still walking with a limp.