Forever & Always

Chapter 1

⚠️TW⚠️ - Brief mentioning of depression

Date: October 19, 2011
Location: JJs House

JJ's POV

"Mommy! Mommy! Can we go visit Emmy tomorrow?" the little blue-eyed boy said with tears in his eyes, it broke my heart to see tears swimming in his eyes.

"I don't know honey, I just got called into work but look if I get off early enough maybe we can, ok?" I said wiping his tears away with my thumb.

"Mommy, I miss my Emmy." He said sobbing into my chest while holding the bear Emily gave him on his 1st birthday for dear life. I rub his back and whisper sweet nothings into his ear to help him calm down.

"I know sweetheart, I miss her too." My voice cracks as small tears start to blur my vision. We sit silently for a couple of minutes until I look at the time. "I'm sorry Henry but Mommy has to go to work but Nana is here if you need anything, ok?"

He nods. I kiss him on his head and slowly walk to the door, I stand in the doorway for a little bit to make sure he lays down comfortably then I close the door, take a deep breath and walk to the living room to grab my things.

"Hey sweetie, what's wrong." The older Jareau asked with a concerned look in her eyes.

"Nothing, Mom I'm fine. I just have a headache." I say avoiding eye contact while gathering my things for work.

I was almost out the door when a hand made its way to my shoulder. I turn in place still avoiding eye contact. Don't look in her eyes JJ you were doing so good. Hold out for a few more minutes then you can get in your car and have your moment. Just don't look in her eyes. I thought.

"Jenny, look at me." She said with sadness in her voice. "Is it about Emily? The only thing that I know can make you like this is either Henry or Emily, and I know Henry is ok so it has to be something with Emily. So, what is it, sweetie?"

"He wants to... um... see her. Henry wants to visit his Emmy and I don't know what to do. I can't just take him to her grave and say "Hey here's your Emmy". Mom, I don't know what to do." Tears falling down my cheeks.

"I know sweetie it's hard but it will all be ok I promise. Whenever you're ready I can sit him down and explain to him what it means when someone dies, ok?" I nod. "Ok, now go get to work and make sure you touch up your face before you go in. I love you, my sweet girl."

"I love you too, Mom. I'll try to come home as soon as I can." I say closing and locking the door behind me.

I get in the car and look at the time. Dammit JJ your late, now you don't have time to stop for coffee. I thought as I sped off heading toward BAU. When I get in the parking lot, I quickly touch up my face. When I'm finished I practically run inside so I can hurry up and get to the conference room. When I get to the room everyone is waiting on me, I walk to my seat without making eye contact with anyone.

"Sorry I'm late, Henry wasn't feeling good," I say, my tone just a little bit louder than a whisper.

"It's ok. Now everyone please take a seat." Everyone sits down and he continues, "Seven months ago I made a decision that affected this team. Emily lost a lot of blood when she got in that fight with Doyle, but the doctors stabilized her. Then, she was airlifted from Boston to Paris with a variety of secret identities."

"She's alive?" A teary-eyed Garcia said.

"No, but we buried her." Said Reid.

"I take full responsibility for what happened so if anyone has any issues-" Hotch started but I cut him off.

"Yeah I have issues you let me believe my girlfriend was dead! Now you come back and say No she's alive I was just jok-" I was cut off by Garcia gasping, I turn to look at Penelope but then I see her. She was standing in the doorway wearing an all-black suit. My vision got blurry with tears. This isn't real Jennifer. She's not real. She's dead.

"I'm so sorry, guys. I really am." She said hugging everyone, then she walked towards me, I stepped back.

"No no you not real... you're dead. I watched your casket get lowered into the ground and covered with dirt. You're not real." I push my palms against my temples.

"Jennifer it's me... touch me" she steps closer and I shake my head.

"No! I lost you once I can't handle losing you again." I wrapped my arms around myself hoping to get some form of comfort or stability but nothing is working. She can't be real. Right? I ask myself.

"Jennifer, look at me." I look into her eyes and then she continues, "I'm real I swear. I'm going to hug you, ok?" I don't say anything.

She slowly walks closer to me. When she's in arms reach, she wraps me in her arms. Her cologne invades my nose, that's when I know it's really her. It's really her. I thought. I free my arms from around my body and wrap them around her neck. I put my head deep into the crook of her neck and begin to sob. I was crying so hard that I couldn't breathe and started hyperventilating, then she did the thing. She moves my head to the other side of her chest so I can listen to her heart while one of her hands draws shapes on my back and the other plays with my hair. After what feels like forever I calm down. I break away from her hug and look at her but suddenly my blood starts to boil.

"You left me! YOU LEFT OUR SON! YOU LEFT HIM CRYING FOR IS EMMY and YOU NEVER CAME BACK! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?" I yell, she looks down at her feet. "What happened, cat got your tongue because I don't hear you saying anything Emmy," I say in a mocking tone.

"I thought about you every day, you don't understand how bad I wanted to call you and see how you guys were doing or FaceTime you to see him before he went to sleep. I promise I wanted to call but it was better if I didn't." She paused and looked around the room then started again "I swear to you guys if I could have contacted you guys I would've but I couldn't." Then she focuses her attention back on me, "I didn't want to leave you guys. You and Henry are my world. I went through serious depression when I was in Paris. Jennifer, please believe me when I say I didn't want to leave." She had tears in her eyes, but she had a look on her face that I had never seen before. It looked like she was almost pleading for my forgiveness. I clear my throat.

"Um... I have to go. I'll see you guys tomorrow." I said facing the team not even acknowledging Emily. They nod, I grab my jacket and walk out the door.

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A/n - First time writing let me know what you think.