Forever & Always

Chapter 7

Date: November 11, 2011
Location: JJs house

JJ's POV

Week 1: I told myself I would visit Emily every Friday and today was the day. I honestly wasn't sure if I could handle it seeing her bed-bound and unconscious, it wasn't really the way I wanted to see her but I had to. I needed her to know I still love and care about her.

I decided to see her before work considering how unreliable my schedule is. I put on a work-appropriate blue shirt, black slacks, and black heels. Emily always loved me in the color blue, she said it was my color and it fits best with my eyes. You sound crazy, getting all dressed up for someone whos unconscious and probably hates you. I thought as I brushed my teeth.

I finished getting ready, I looked at the time to see it was 7:46 visiting hours start in about 15 minutes so headed out the door. I took my time getting to the hospital, I needed time to build up the courage to see her. I turned a 15-minute car ride into a 25 minute one, I spent that time thinking and asking myself questions. How is she going to feel when she wakes up? What if she doesn't want to be with me anymore? What if she hates me? Or worse, what if she doesn't wake up? I decided to stop thinking of all the things that could go wrong and pull into the hospital parking lot. I get out of the car only taking my phone just in case Hotch calls about a case. When I got in, I bypassed the nurses station and went straight to Emily's room, I hesitated when I got to the door but I pushed the feeling down and opened the door.

"Hey," I say closing the door behind me, I didn't expect an answer but deep down inside I really wanted one. "It's been 3 days since you went into a coma, um everyone has been talking about you, I'm a good way of course. We're all waiting for you to wake up and tell you how much we love you. Um... I'm going to see you every Friday before work if I'm not on a case." I stayed silent for a while. "I hope you can hear me because I'm really sorry. I miss you so much. God.." I chuckle "I miss your scent, your touch, I miss the way you would scrunch your nose when you slept, I just miss everything about you. I miss the things I used to hate about you, like the way you're not really into PDA for a while I thought you were ashamed to be with me then I started to realize you were just a private person." I sigh. "I'm so sorry this happened to you, I should've called I don't know why I didn't. I wanted you to feel the same pain I felt when you left." I check my watch and see that I have 10 minutes to get to work. "I'm sorry I have to go but I love you, forever and always." I kiss her forehead, get up then leave to go start my day.

Date: November 18, 2011
Week 2: "Hey Em." I say walking in the room as the nurse leaves. "We had this case on this guy who was abducting children in the middle of the night. He thought he was saving them from their parents. If you were there you probably would've gone all badass on him, then turned into a softie when you saw the kids, you know like how you are with Henry." I laugh. "Henry misses you, he tried to call you the other day, I had to tell him you were on a top-secret mission and you would get back to him when it's over, so the next day he went to daycare telling everyone his Emmy was on a top-secret mission and that you were a hero, but not just any hero, you were his hero." I smile with tears in my eyes as I think about how much they love each other. "You know Thanksgiving is next week, you think you could wake up in time for that. So we can have a big family dinner or something." I wait for a response knowing I'm not going to get one. "Well I gotta go, I love you... forever and always." I kiss her hand then leave.

Date: November 25, 2011
Week 3: "Hey, thanksgiving was yesterday, it wasn't the same without you. Derek's laugh wasn't as full, Spencer wasn't spitting out turkey facts, Garcia was a little less colorful, and Hotch got drunk can you believe that." I ask. "Yeah I know I can't either," I say as if I got a response. "Rossi made pasta along with other stuff of course but he wasn't as loving and happy as he usually is. Jack and Henry fought over your spot at the table, Jack might be older but Henry put up a good fight and won your chair." I laugh. "He gets that from you. I knew after Haley died you helped out Jack and Hotch a lot but I didn't think Jack had that deep of a connection with you. When Jack and Henry made up they spent hours playing with cars and talking about things they did with you, by the way, they made plans to go to the aquarium with you when you come back from your mission... they both miss you a lot, we all miss you a lot. Please please please try to wake up by Christmas. Since we met we've never celebrated a Christmas apart... I don't know how to be happy and celebrate these things without you." I sigh with tears. "I started talking to god, you know I was never really into god but I started talking to him and praying for you. At first, I would try to bargain with him and say if he wakes you up I'll go to church every Sunday or I'll pray all the time but now I just pray that you wake up and we have our happy ending." I huff. "It's time for me to go. I'll see you next Friday, I love you forever and always... remember that." I put my hand on her stomach to see if she was breathing, of course I know she's breathing because there's a very large and visible tube down her throat but I just needed to know for sure. When I felt her breath, I felt ok with leaving her to rest so I did.