Trigger warning: Self harm, suicidal thoughts
Present
Why does it have to be me
Why do I feel this way
Why do they like me
Why should I live
The four questions that I ask myself everyday. It gets hard, sometimes I just don't fight back and just let the thoughts sit there. I'm scared to be alone with my thoughts. So I stay up, I could probably get more sleep if I wasn't on my device all night. But that is better than crying myself to sleep. Sometimes I think about telling my parents how I feel, but selective mutism is a bitch. Also therapy is expensive and they should spend that money on one of their kids instead of me. S-stupid, you're one of their kids too. I feel my tears running down my cheeks and take off my glasses. I just lay there, curled up in a ball, on my side crying. Just crying. 120 hours... that's all the time it takes for emotional pain to go away, then everything is self-induced. I just keep repeating that. I'm done. I look at my arms, I start scratching. I keep scratching, soon my arm looks a pinkish color and there are little spots of blood. Why can't I just be normal?
Why can't I be like every other goddamn 11 year old. Then I remember, the storys, Eddie and lizzie always had to tell on why not to give up. Lizzie was a 12 year old that has been going through the same things, She is getting though it just fine. Eddie went through this till he was himself. This has to be normal, it all does. That's must be why I'm Feeling like this, Right? Right.....
Things would be better if I wasn't here.
Sorry for the shorter chapter (301 words) Completed 1/1/2021
