Perfectly True ~ Niall Horan story

two

N I A L L

It has been two heartbreaking and painful months since I last saw Lillianna and Oilibhia due to the fact that the boys and I have been whisked away to America to perform at endless award shows, including the American Music Awards, MTV music award shows and even the Grammy's.

One direction are at their peak, winning every award possible, selling out the largest, most notorious stadiums and gaining an abundance of media attention and so from the outside looking in the boys and I are on top of the world.

However, in reality I have never been this unhappy in all of my life.

All of us boys are struggling mentally but nobody seems to care, especially not Simon or the rest of our management team who continuously keep booking gigs to prevent us from taking any breaks and stopping the cash intake.

"So Niall, we have to ask! How is Lillianna coping without you being in London?"

Every time her name is mentioned I go into a state of complete paralysis, trying my best to not cry and embarrass myself in front of all of these reporters who are desperate for any insight into our relationship or lack there of.

When I don't fully answer the question, Liam thankfully swoops in and I feel a calming hand on my lower back.

"Lillianna and little Oilibhia are doing amazing! Lilli is such an amazing mother and is keeping herself busy with her new movie which you will all have to check out!" Liam answers with a perfectly fake smile, his white teeth beaming as he tries to take some of the suffocating attention and pressure off of me.

"Coming to theatres near you in 2021," Harry jokes and everyone laughs, giving me time to shoot him and Liam a grateful look.

I walk the rest of the carpet like a ghost, white as a sheet as I try and comprehend the heart wrenching fact that Lilli and I aren't talking.
If anyone looks close enough they can clearly see how Zayn is practically holding me upright in every interview to prevent me from collapsing from exhaustion.

The car ride from the award show to the airport is eerily silent as we all sit in the black van and try to avoid the horrific bumps of the car running over people's feet.

We are completely surrounded by awards, fame and money and yet none of us even care anymore.

All I care about is Lilli and Oilibhia. 

I haven't slept without sleeping pills in a long time as every time I close my eyes I see her beautiful face, lit by the moonlight as she cries and cries and cries.
I think about how she made me dinner every night for me to just not care.
I think about how many times I knew that she was stressed about work or Oilibhia and I just went to bed and ignored her.
I think about all of the loving kisses she gave me that I barely reciprocated because I was too exhausted.
I think about all of the pain that I have caused her.

That horrible night was definitely not our first argument but it had been the last one as now Lilli won't even answer my texts unless they are about Oilibhia.

"Niall! Niall, you're okay, you're okay."
I struggle to breathe when I forcefully jolt awake from my recurring nightmare about Lilli, only focusing on Louis' gentle hushes that have become routine and his hand wiping my streaming tears.