SUJU's Baby Chullie (Hiatus-ish)

A/n

(A/n: WARNING! TRIGGER SUBJECT-ish!)

I think you guys deserve an explanation on why I dont update my Kpop books anymore.

So lets take it from the beginning.

I never had a type of music that I listened to and it always felt like I never understod why you have a genre.

but when I became a Kpop fan in the late fall of 2014 I suddenly felt like I found myself.

My first group was BTS, Super Junior my second and EXO my third.

I had already seen a bit of hostility between ARMY and EXO-L, just like it had been with Yellkies and Club HOT.

But I didnt think anything of it.

I just thought it was the ordinary "My group is better than yours" kind of thing.

So I continued to discover more and more bands.

And in the same time I was (and still is) struggling with Depression and Suicidal thoughts.

I was looking for every possible way to kill myself and had even tried but always failed.

But for just a moment, Kpop made me happy.

A year ago I posted a comment on a video on YOUTUBE.

It was a BTS - EXO friendship video.

And my comment was: "As a MULTI FAN, Its nice to see that two of my favorite bands are good friends even if their Fans are at WAR with eachother"

I got a lot of comments.

It wasnt any of love or kindness.

The comments told me how stupid and disgusting I am.

They said that I was a whore, a slut and that they hopped I would get gang raped and murderd.

They also said that I should just kill myself as BTS and EXO wouldnt want a digusting traitorus whore as their Fan.

I tried to defend myself and telling them that the two bands wouldnt be that evil and that they would WANT us to listen to the other band.

But the comments kept and it was geting worse.

They wrote that they would find out where I live and that there would be people coming for me and my mother to rape and kill us.

I became paranoid and kept looking over my shoulder.

And I found myself sliding deep into my Depression and my Suicidal thoughts got worse.

I kept searching for ways to kill myself.

I deleted the comment and blocked those who some how found mypersonal Instagram account.

Something changed in me.

When I tried listening to any of my then favorite bands, I felt nothing.

I was empty and was not happy.

I thought it was just BTS and EXO, but none of my bands made me happy.

I didnt find joy in watching the MVs either and I was confused.

Which made me even more Depressed.

So I started to pay more attention to JROCK/VKEI.

Which I've listened to since 01-01-2014.

I could/can for hours just staring at my private Spotify account, thinking about deleting all the Kpop songs.

But I have yet to do it.

All my favorite VKEI songs share the same list with the Kpop songs.

Having my old music style there makes me feel like they remind me of that stupid and naive teenager, who thought that she could find happiness in Kpop.

That this was going to be a place where I could be myself , where no one would judge me for what I like.

But I know now that it was just wishful thinking from that stupid girl.

I do still support all of them but I do not watch their MVs or listen to their music anymore.

And now you might wonder: "What will happen to Author-Samas books?"

And here is my answer: "I will update from time to time, when I feel like it.... until I feel like I'm done with the books and then I probably will just do Visual Kei / JROCK and TV serie books"

I know that I most likely wont have many reads on my VKEI books as its not as popular.

And I also know that some of you might unfollow me now.

To you who will unfollow me I just want to say thats its okay.

I know I have disappointed you all.

I'm really sorry.

And I hope that you find an Author that makes you happy!!

And to you who decides to stay with me....

I hope you still find joy in my books!!

So once again.

I'm really sorry!!

~Author-Sama