Behind The Scenes

Day 9, Concern

(After school in the evening)

"Nagisa deer, dinner is ready!" I heard my mother's sweet voice say, but right now that gentle loving voice doesn't help my current mood.

"I'll be right down!" I slip on a hoodie careful about my still healing wounds from a few days ago.

Everything feels hopeless right now. I bite my lower lip taking in a deep breath. Why should it even matter anymore. Why am I letting all of this get to me. Ive been able to keep things secret before. Ive been able to bare with the pain all this time, so why is it getting to me now?

I make my way downstairs and sit down at the already set up dinner table. The thick fragrance of spices reach my nose. "It smells good mom."

"Aww thats so sweet nagisa." the chair squeaks slightly on the floor as she pulls it out to sit down. "Well then let's eat."

"Let's eat."

"So how was school today?"

"Same as normal i guess." I poke at the food on my plate and an involuntary sigh breaks through.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yea, i'm just tired."

"You should go to bed after dinner then, assuming your homework is already done." she smiles gently at me.

"Yea i got my homework done earlier."

"Good for you then, im glad youre so responsible." her smile grows at this.

Of course she would care about my studies over how im feeling.

"Hey mom, can i go to bed now?"

"But you've hardly eaten any dinner."

"Sorry, im just really tired."

"Alright, ill put your dinner in the fridge if you wake up hungry."

"Thanks mom."

I get up from the table and head back up the stairs to my bedroom. On my way up I heard the clattering of dishes and the thunk of the fridge door opening and closing. I close my door quietly and make my way to my bed.

I sit down on the soft sheets and grab something from under my pillow. The piece of paper now seeming like a death sentence. Tomorrow. Only one more day and i'll have to meet them. I worry about what they have planned. Seeing how they are bullies and seeing how normally there all bark and no bite, but what about now. There planning something, but what? If it was there normal taunting then they wouldn't be forcing me to meet with them. From the blackmail they have i wonder just what they're planning on doing. They will probably try forcing me to do something or will use this against me for a long time, but what would they be having me do? Chances are we're not going to be staying at the school. When they gave me the letter they seemed like they didn't want to make their business known with me.

I take in a shaky breath. So if their going to make me do something what will it be? And what if it involves me getting home late. If that happens then what do i do. I can't possibly let my secret be known, I can't let that happen, and then theres mom. If I end up getting home late to often then shell only make things harder. Shell get more violent, shell yell more, but ... I should be used to that by now. The best situation is if I comply with them. If both school life and home life becomes turcher i don't know how I will survive, so if I comply then i can keep school life where it is and all i would have to deal with then is my mother. I've already gotten used to how mom is, ill be able to handle it.

But, just a few days ago that happened. I reach my hand around to my back and gently touch it. Just how much worse can it get. Will she do worse. What will happen to me? I grit my teeth and try to prepare my mind, but instead I feel tears threaten to spill and i do what i can to choke it back. I need to forget. I need to forget. Forget. Forget. Forget it.