Cigarettes & Songs | h.s

fourteen

//
buckle up y'all.

olivia newton

The responses from Harry's post was overwhelming, something that I don't think I'd ever get used to. There was no going back anymore, we chose to post a picture of me kissing his cheek to show the public. It was out there.

Don't get me wrong, the thrill of it all was exciting, but once everything set in I started to feel so choked up. I had to take a breather and call Ashly or Arielle, or anyone for that matter. This all felt like such a surreal dream and I needed someone to wake me up.

I excused myself to compose myself, I didn't want to start freaking out right then and there in front of everyone. I made my way to Harry's room and tried to take a breath, leaning against his closed door, feeling my whole body start to shake and my knees buckle. I slid down to the floor and sat there for a bit.

I just sat there and tried to process everything, putting my head in my hands and rubbing my temples, is this really happening right now?

I know looking at all the reactions from fans would make everything worse for me but I just couldn't look away. There were thousands and thousands of comments and quote tweets, scrolling through my timeline, and trending to see so many people say things about me. Some genuine ones were pretty happy for Harry but the other half was filled with hate.

@#####: who's this whore??? tbh she doesn't deserve harry

@#####: get your ugly ass face away from harry omg

@#######: she looks so trashy 🤢

@#####: yikes, imagine downgrading from taylor to her? guess he does have a thing for blondes though...

@###: LMFAO ew wtf is this

@#######: he looks soooooo uncomfortable omggg baby get her hag ass away from him

@##### beard?????

@####: #harrydeservesbetter

I knew I had nothing to be upset over, it's not like Harry and I are actually dating. But they don't know that, and I can't be mad about that.

It was stupid of me to check Twitter in the first place, I knew it was one of the most toxic environments out there and that fans could be ruthless. I started to get goosebumps when I realized what Harry had said earlier about how fans are great detectives. If they dig deep enough and find things about me his career is stained.

I knew that associating with Harry meant getting hate, I mean he was loved by everyone. But the main goal was to piss the fuck out of my parents and I had to focus on that. I didn't want to be consumed by my thoughts any longer so I stood up and made my way to the bathroom.

The scalding hot water really did help calm me down, I felt myself loosen up and all the tension in my body slowly went away. I got out of the warm shower and dried my hair, debating on whether I should get back into my yellow dress or grab something from Harry's closet. I decided against my yellow dress and pick out a shirt from Harry's drawer and the biker shorts I had on under my dress.

I'm sure he wouldn't mind.

I was finally at peace and finally calm. But I knew in the back of my mind it would never stay that way. The thoughts of Harry or the guys finding out the awful shit I was roped into last year make me sick to my stomach.

I snapped out of my uneasy thoughts once I heard the familiar buzzing of my phone on the marble counter, I furrow my brows at the sight of Arielle's name calling me at this time.