Seraphic [Yoonmin]

xxxvi.

dear hoseok,

jihyo broke up with me a few days ago.
she was so heartbroken.
we went to a party and things escalated quickly.
i couldn't please her sexually and it was very embarrassing for me.
she didn't make a big deal out of it. she was so sweet.
i truly wish i could love her the way she likes me.
another thing happened a few days ago.
i have told him about you.
everything.
i cried a lot but it felt good to finally get it off my chest.
i never spoke to anyone about it.
after we moved i closed myself in a dark hole.
the nightmares about you were daily.
not even in my sleep i could get rest.
he didn't judge me.
he hugged me instead.
he's amazing.
and no he's not perfect.
he has made many mistakes and if im honest with you i know for a fact our love is impossible.
this is bigger than sexual preferences or what society things...our lives are never going to collide.
literally.
it's a long story i wish i could tell you all about.
don't get me wrong i still think of you on the daily
but when im with him you leave me mind for a brief second.
i feel like im falling in love again and it's truly terrifying.
what if im forced to make a choice and im not brave enough to do it?
what if i repeat the same mistakes i did with you?
im so scared and paranoid.
i don't know how to deal with all of my emotions and i miss you.
as my best friend.
i wish i could hear your voice again.
i love you.
take care of yourself.

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