Seraphic [Yoonmin]

xl.

dear hoseok,

i confessed my love to him.
last night was one of the craziest nights of my life.
merry christmas by the way.
how are you?
i hope you're doing well.
ive been thinking about you a lot.
more than the usual.
you're back in my nightmares and im not saying this to blame you.
in fact i believe it's me who's self consciously guilty about the kiss and my feelings for him.
that's why im having nightmares.
it feels like im still betraying you...
even though we're not even together.
it's hard to not feel so guilty when i never properly ended things with you.
i hate that im even ashamed of typing this though you won't ever read it.
if you were to read this i know you'd wonder what my parents have to say about it.
well, they don't know.
i don't know how i will even tell them.
they scare me.
they gave me life and if they turn their back on me i would feel so shitty.
that's not the only problem that im facing with my new love interest.
i have never been so paranoid about my age before.
it's going to sound crazy, but my lover and i—our lives will never truly collide.
i will die before he does.
it's completely insane and that's scary to think about.
i don't know how im going to deal with these insecurities.
hoseok, i really hope you're doing well.
i love y|

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