13 Novella 1

Told

TW: Sexual Assault/Abuse

You always try your hardest to remain quiet in your room, but the tears running down her cheeks like wading rivers result in the occasional sniffle.

You cling to your little sister in a pathetic attempt to hold her together when your own world fell apart a long time ago now. She grunts and sits up against you on your shared double bed, and it breaks what is left of your heart to see the overwhelming sadness in her eyes.

Your own eyes should be closed, it's 3:15am but Abigail's night terrors leave rest for no one. You don't dare tell Jay. You can only imagine what he would do to "toughen" Abi up after this.

The thought makes you grip her tighter.

"I'm sorry" she whispers

"No apology needed" you reply, giving her a gentle squeeze.

"I should be quiet like you, this will only make him hate me more" she sighs.

"No no baby, you are doing perfectly. And mum would be so proud of you for trying."

Silence of course. Abi doesn't allow herself to talk about mum. You believe it is because she blames herself for what happened, which is of course ridiculous.

If anyone were to blame it would be you.

At that moment you hear the stairs creak and you both tense. He shouldn't be awake, he should have long since shuffled off to bed and collapsed from the drink. He is talking and your heart falters but he's not talking to you; apparently he's on the phone. You can't quite make out what is going on but with Jay it could not be anything good.

At that moment the hall light snaps on and you jump but contain yourself, heart thumping wildly. You know what is happening and sure enough your door swings into your bedroom and you instantly catch a whiff of stale drink and cannabis, perhaps his worst combination.

You tell yourself to breathe, to prepare mentally to leave your mind, all while refusing to succumb to the panic. You will protect Abi if nothing else. She knows to cover her ears to block out the sound of his entertainment.

"Up" he grunts. You don't hesitate. "Pack a bag, you leave in 15 minutes sharp" he closes the door behind him as you stare in bewilderment.

Abi slips her hand into yours and you squeeze it tightly.

"Where are we going?" she whispers earnestly.

You simply shake your head and begin to pack up your blue duffle bag, sliding Abi's red one from under the bed too.

"Just do what he says" you say in a low tone. With Jay you don't ask questions, you just do. In your experience there is less blood involved this way.

You pack whatever feels familiar to your fingertips in the dark and you expect Abi is doing the same. Fifteen minutes have passed and you leave the room. You don't keep Jay waiting.

Sitting on the sofa with a ciggie in his hand, eyes bleary from drink, is not an unusual scene. He rises with another grunt and stares at you both with the usual resentment. You control your features, keeping them carefully blank. Abi is of course shaking like a leaf. She does that whenever he makes eye contact with her.

He crosses the room in two strides and leers over you, yellow teeth showing his pleasure about something you really didn't want to find out about.

He grins, blowing stale breath over your face then slowly and deliberately stubs out his cigarette on your collar. You refuse to wince even when you feel the burn through your top eating at your skin. He is visibly disappointed by your reaction.

"Downstairs there will be a taxi waiting for you" he breathes over your face, and you fight the urge to hold your nose. You shiver as he runs his hand through your hair, gripping it suddenly at the base of your neck and forcing you to look into his muddy eyes "get in and do as you're told- got it sweetheart?" He urges, pulling your hair.

You don't reply. He doesn't usually like an answer back. Wrong decision.

"Are you deaf or just (r/slur)"he whispers
"I said GOT IT SWEETHEART?!" He bellows suddenly tugging your hair as you flinch,

"YES yes I've got it" you whimper, your head throbbing, then realise too late your should never have yelled.

His eyes widen in fury and his lip quivers, spittle gathering at the corners. He raises his hand that isn't holding your hair and strikes you on the chest, then the face then the stomach. Pain rolls off you like hot steam on cold glass and yet you do not fall for he is keeping you upright by your hair. Abi may have screamed, you are reeling too much to notice.

He drops you and she runs to your side where you lay gasping, but now fresh fear rolls off you. This wasn't over yet. Why did Abi have to scream? You sense the three blows she receives and curse that you cannot defend her like usual. She drops to your side, sobbing within her blonde hair; feral sounds that tug at your heart strings until she falls silent.

But there is another noise registering, a belt buckle being undone and the sound of jeans dropping. And so, with your eyes squeezed shut as he approaches you, you hope for her sake that she is unconscious.

                             *              *               *

You open your eyes but do not move, mentally registering the severity of  your injuries. You shift your legs and register an all too familiar ache that makes you retch drily. You scoot into a kneeling position and gently prod all the sites of impact, but soon conclude nothing is broken.

You look over at Abi and are surprised that her eyes are open. They are staring straight ahead, almost like she's.... you gasp but no, she is definitely breathing, chest rising and falling. The pain of breathing in sharply irritates your ribs but is just about bearable. You've had worse. Abi sits up and you watch as her eyes brim with tears at the sight of you.

Ah. You must look as shit as you feel then.

"Where does it hurt?" You whisper as she winces.

"Stomach" she gasps and you begin the routine inspection all the while avoiding her eye contact. If you could see the burned out fire in her eyes you may just lie down and be unable to get up.

Instead you drag yourself to your feet and walk in a small circle. You ignore the bottom half of your body. Your mind is apparently doing the same thing for the pain is distant and detached, like it happened to someone else.

You nearly jump out of your skin when a car honks outside and you realise that words happened before he... well, that must be the taxi.

You drag Abi to her feet and she stumbles in the half lights that Jay has had the consideration to leave on for you. You don't care where that taxi is taking you, far away from here is plenty good enough for you. And so you close the door quietly behind you. Not that there is any need, he always sleeps for hours after this form of exercise, and make your way down your apartment corridor and to the stairs. Safer than the lift because you can control your speed.

It is quiet which is only to be expected in the early hours, but the silence is eery, and had you had the option you would have turned back. You reach the taxi and tap uncertainly on the window

"Miss Abi and Miss (Y/n)?" he monotones.

You don't reply and get in the back, not letting Abi out of your sight. You weren't stupid, you knew it wasn't a good idea to get in the back of a random taxi in the middle of the night sent by your abuser, but to be honest it was this or go home. Home having becoming a dirty word. You had no options and even less money. So yes, you climbed in after Abi and allowed this taxi to take you wherever he wanted.