13 Novella 1

Graves

TW: overdose

You wake to gentle knocking on your door and someone talking in soft tones. You arch your back and reach for Abi to see if she's awake, but she's silent, probably still sleeping.

You reach further but can't find her, opening your eyes only to remember you are not in a bed, you are not at home, and Abi is not here.

You gulp and feel bile rise in your throat and race blindly to the bathroom that you remember is nearby, coughing and retching, but nothing comes up. Of course- you haven't eaten for over 24 hours.

You sigh and sink to the cold floor, the cool tiled surface reviving you slightly and cooling your sweaty forehead.

"... so we'll meet in the console room in half an hour (Y/n)? Yes? Is that alright?" It's Yaz and she sounds concerned; you can't have been very quiet.

You grunt out an affirmative response which Yaz catches, and you know she has left. You want to cry but you are too exhausted. You are tired, and need something to help you.

You clear your eyes and sit up.

Yesterday you spotted a white cupboard below the sink, and you think you may know what's in there.

You scoot forward and crawl over to the cupboard, swinging it open. Lines of different medicines in white boxes and capsules stare back at you. You read the labels carefully and decide what you need is painkillers. You take a couple. And wait. Your heart still aches. A couple more. A few more. Maybe the rest of this box, and a couple of those.

Your mind is detached as you through down pill after pill until to lay back on the floor, shaking and certainly not feeling any better.

You kick the cupboard closed and leave the bathroom, fear setting in. You weren't counting. You brush this aside and pick out the first clothes your hands touch. A grey clingy top and black corduroy dungarees, and leave the room, trying to remember which way you came from last night. You sway a little but shake your head and regain your focus; this wasn't happening.

You hear the two women talking, but they abruptly cut off when they see you. You imagine you don't look great. Hopefully they just put it down to grief.

"How do you feel (Y/n)?" Asks The Doctor softly.

"Fine" you say, squinting at the bright lights.

A fine mess would be more accurate.

"I thought you might like to say goodbye today" she says carefully, watching for your reaction. "I found her grave (Y/n). One year into the future. I believe... she was placed next to your mother" she finishes gently.

You nod slowly, head too fuzzy to form a sentence.

The Doctor smiles gently and pulls a lever, and with a great sucking noise the golden lights begin to glow.

You wish you weren't so out of it that you could appreciate travelling for the last time, as it was becoming apparent this was it. The lack of sensation and pounding heart told you so.

The Tardis stops whirring and you all stumble as she lands. You glance at the doors, not sure you are ready for what waits outside.

In your eyeline The Doctor approaches and takes your hand.

"Together" she says and lets you lead the way out.

You emerge onto lush grass, and instantly interpret the silence around you. Graveyard. You stand in the late summer sun, and watch as The Doctor closes the door behind her, leaving Yaz behind. You are grateful for the lack of audience.

You don't know where to start, but the blonde leads you onward through the lines of broken stone, clear marble and rotting wood. You don't know what you are looking for: they all look the same.

"I think... just about...here" says The Doctor and you stop in front of an unremarkable stone grave, barely engraved, and devoid of life. You read the date but make no comment. No message, no declarance of love or anything.

Tears well up and you feel the strength leave your knees, but The Doctor catches you in her warm arms and lowers you gently to her side, holding you tightly as the remainder of your world ceases in front of your eyes.

No message. You didn't write a message? This was the future, so you must have had a say in the gravestone, so why didn't future you write a message?

It burns and you cough, heart racing and you know what this means. You took more than you meant to this morning and it's fast catching up to you. You don't even care. Her grave has no message.

Your muscles relax and you lean further into The Doctor for support, she understands and hold you, arms wrapped around your shoulders, her face twisted in pain for your loss. She was a good woman, and you regretted that you wouldn't have more time with her.

You sigh and relax, falling forward slightly and eyes closing. You are a nice temperature, and this is as good a place as any to die, next to your mother and sister.

You sense rather than feel yourself collapse until you are curled into a ball and barely register what The Doctor is saying as she begins to panic from somewhere far away.

"(Y/n)? Are you ok? What happened? What's wrong? (Y/n) can you hear me??!" You feel her abnormally warm fingers brush against your neck searching for a pulse and feel her panic as she finds it weak.

She inhales sharply."Oh my god no (Y/n) what have you done?! Talk to me can you hear me?! (Y/N)!" She screams but you can't hear properly, you are so weak you can't respond, but you hope she leaves you here to die.

Of course she doesn't, she hoists you into her arms in one swift movement, but gravity isn't quite working for you as you feel like you are floating again. You are aware of her breathing as she runs, but you feel with relief, that she is almost definitely too late.