Tormented love

Chapter 31

"Can't believe me?" He mocked. "Are you kidding me? Anna. I literally walked into Jakes room seconds before he.." I let out a flustered scream. I finally just screamed. I'd wanted to just scream for so long. I didn't know how else to respond. He was being idiotic. Has he not realized exactly what he's done? He has caused this, Zach has caused all of this. The pain. It refuses to go away. Never would I have cheated on someone I thought I loved unless they'd done something like this to me. Yet it's what Zach does, its marinated in his blood. Honestly he had to have received a gene from someone in his family to repeatedly be so great at fucking around.

And I must be stupid for letting it reoccur in a matter of a year. Stupid, stupid girl. Anna, you're such a pitiful, stupid girl. So stupid.

"I walked in on you and Lilly. TWICE!" I yelled. Like he had forgotten it. He must have if he's shoving blame off onto me. "Oh did you forget? One time at home, we broke up then. Remember? Then again a few days ago on OUR vacation." He blinked a few times and covered his mouth, focusing on the road. Covering his shit eating grin. I hated that stupid grin. He'd grown accustomed to it lately. I was waiting for his next blow at me. His counter reaction to my outburst. His need to belittle me in such moments never ceased to amaze me. Not once have they. "Zach, how did the whore know you would be on that particular cruise ship anyways?" He continued to let me suffer in his absolute silence. I hated his silence right now more than I hated the fact that he lied to me, used me and let me feel so foolish. Again. He let me fall for him. Again. He proved everyone but me right about him. Again. He laughed in my fucking face. Again.

You stupid, stupid little girl Anna.

I was crying at this point, uncontrollably. He didn't care the twitch in his left eye let me know, he didn't care. He wanted me not to care. He wanted me to let it go. That's not what I am going to do though. It's not set up in my mind to let this shit go. I can't just let this happen over and over again. I won't let it happen again, not to me.

How could he so effortlessly do this to me? Watch me crumble and break under his influence. Then give a damn less about me?

Nearly the entire ride had been peaceful. Until now. Now that we are minutes away from Ally's house. "Zach?!" I urged. He blew out a slicing huff of air and looked in my direction.

"Which one?" He questioned me. It was such an odd question yet I invited it. It wasn't yet another critical blow at my entire being. I invited his irrelevance into my life. Him being here was irrelevant. Him ever existing was irrelevant.

"What?" The look on my face was probably soaked in pitiful confusion. "I asked how did the whore know which particular cruise ship you were on?" I repeated myself, I just wanted a fucking answer. Yet here he is, being foolish acting so childish. He pulled into Ally's driveway and jerked the car, my car, into park.

"And I asked you which one?" I looked at him like he was stupid. "Which whore?" My face almost dropped when realization had struck. I felt as though Zach had slapped me across my face. I was humiliated. I needed to get out of this car. I needed to get away from Zach. "Lilly or you, Anna? Which whore?" I didn't respond to him. I laughed as I yanked my keys from his hand and climbed out. He'd changed me into something I'd never have been without being around him. Something I didn't want to be, not ever. Such a hateful person, corresponding to him. His pathetic excuse of lungs and a horrible waste of a fucking heart beat.

Ally's father stood on the porch and I had nearly walked past him when he darted towards me. I assumed to greet me. He continued around me, yelling. As I turned around I watched as Ally's father yelled and screamed at Jake and Zach to stop. Like they were children.They never ceased with his words. Ally screamed and cried trying to hold onto Jakes shirt. She wanted the fighting to stop. I even wanted the fighting to stop. I hadn't even known they were fighting until Ally's father stormed past me. I'd gotten so good at numbing out the extra noise. I'd gotten good at numbing out every single thing surrounding me.

I'd let it play out until Ally was yanked to the ground with Jake. I'm sure Zach would've stopped on his own once he noticed but I ran over and got on the ground with them, between them. "Stop!" I screamed at the two. I was hit twice in the midst of the chaos causing my head to smack concrete. I hadn't realized if it was Zach or if it was Jake. It just hurt. Zach huffed, but began to stand up, wiping his bloody nose. He spat out the blood that had pooled into his mouth.

"You can tell your bitch made friend Jake, to back off." He pointed a long rough index finger at me and I looked into his blood shot angry eyes.

"Shut up!" I screamed. Ignoring the trickle of blood running down the side of my head. The throbbing that yelling caused.

"Like hell, I'm listening to a word you ever say to me you little.." Ally's father clapped a hand on Zachs shoulder. He really wanted to call me a whore again. When he was brought back down from the anger he looked at my face, for once. Pain shot into his eyes and I watched him try to drag his hand to the side of my face. I slapped his hand down and stared at him. I was completely at a lose of words.

"I suppose it's time for you to go home Zach." He pointed to Zachs truck as I sat on the ground hugging Ally. I watched his lingering glance, like he wanted to say something, for a moment then closed my eyes with my head on her shoulder. I didn't know if she'd been hit in the chaos and I didn't think to ask. I couldn't think, really. Ally sobbed and kept pulling on my shirt for a second.

"Anna..I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so angry." Jake started. I knew he wanted to say more. Jake hadn't really done anything, yet he had. He defended me, till the bitter end. Jakes idea of 'protecting' me was literally what caused the fight in Zachs point of view and that's what he'd tell everyone. Zach would play it off as though I have been in the wrong. I have, I knew I have. Once. Then again, Zach was in the wrong too. Several time. Just as much if not more than me. Zach chose to sleep with Lily nearly a year ago when we first dated, when I was so attached to him..he let me down. Then invited the same girl on our cruise. He was in the wrong so much more than I was.

Ally released her grip on my and wiped under her eyes. The sobs were almost gone.

Does he love her, more than he loves me? Did he ever love me from the start? The way he claimed. Probably not. I just couldn't seem to find the place in my mind that I ever loved him either. I couldn't love him.

"Go home Jake." Ally stated after I didn't respond. I couldn't. She hardly could, her voice had cracked a million times. Her voice was unrecognizable.

This would be the easiest way to let it go. I needed to let the two of them go, along with the past. I graduate soon and I never have to see them again once I do. Not if I don't want to and I don't. Zach and Jake will be nothing more than a memory to me at that point. Not a good one. Here today, I couldn't wait until that time came. Seeing Zach and Jake in my rear view mirror will be the best thing for me.

I was so tired. I was drain. Humiliated. Anna, you really are a stupid girl. I let it go on for so long. I let him use me and play me to the bitter end. Now here I am feeling bad that I tried to cheat on him with Jake.

Pain can be physical, emotional, and mental. I'm sitting here feeling the struggle of each of those crashing down around me at once. Each in correspondence to the other.