Tormented love

Chapter 30

I didn't speak to professor Nate though, not the day after our conversation on the deck and certainly not the day following. To be completely honest, I didn't feel like speaking to anyone on board. I hadn't told Ally what I'd walked into that night. I hadn't told Jake, I should tell one of them but I just haven't.

I couldn't exactly bring myself to it, it's the last day on this ship then I say good bye to Zach. For good. The year and a half..no, almost two years I've wasted on Zach are a complete embarrassment. Two nights ago after I shared a moment on the deck with Nate. What I consider a moment at least, he probably thought nothing more of it than a simple conversation. I came back to my hotel room where Zach was.

There he was and I was ready to forgive, try to forget..and move on. Once again. There she was though, Lilly. In her panties, no bra. I'd caught them before they hooked up and for a moments time I thought to myself. 'Anna they haven't had sex yet. Let it go.' Then reality struck and it hit home. They were about to. If I'd walked in second later, they would be at that time. I grabbed the closest thing to me, Zachs shoe and I threw. I aimed for her and all the momentum behind it, I knew it was going to hurt. She ducked and it hit the wall behind her. Zach jumped up and started saying things, loudly. I never heard him over my screams. I remember screaming at Lilly. "Get out!" I'd scream and she'd fumbled with clothes. I looked crazy, I knew I did. "Get out!" I'd screamed again. She jerked and hurriedly started putting on her clothes. "Get out, you're nothing but a whore!" She ran from our room with her pants on and only a bra, she held her shirt in her arms and I'm sure put it on once she left. I hoped she felt pathetic. I hope she hurt.

I can remember Zach opening his arms and me basically falling into them for a second. I was drained. I didn't have it in me to fight with him again tonight. So I didn't, I went to sleep. The next day I didn't talk to him. I didn't talk to anyone. Zach stayed in the room with me but I know it was only to let me rest assured he wasn't in Lilly's room, with her. I wished he would. That he's leave me alone and go back to that slut he keeps leaving me for. Anything would be better than feeling the way his presence makes me feel. Sick.

Tonight I laid in bed as Ally texted me asking why I wasn't doing the daily things with her. Jake asking if I was okay and what happened, I only laid there. I didn't even respond to Zach the few times he spoke. At this point I wished he would go to Lilly's room so bad. He hasn't spoken in hours, thankfully. I knew it wouldn't last long though. He'd talk again. When he did that feeling would come back. That feeling that made me want to vomit.

I'd completely let this man destroy everything about my persona. I'd let him repeat it. He had ruined me.

"Should we talk about what happened Anna?" I felt the bile raise in my throat and I tried holding it down. His voice disgusted me. I couldn't wait to be home. "I know you probably think it was me, but it wasn't. Anna I don't know what I was thinking. This is the first time since you seen us in my bed." I couldn't hold it in. I jumped to my feet and ran to the bathroom, emptying my stomach into the toilet. "Don't be so immature about this Anna." The audacity. I finished emptying my stomach and stood up to face the bathroom door. He stood in the door frame, pouting. He stared at me like he longed for me to hear his side of things. So I slammed the bathroom door and locked it. "You know that your being childish right now!" He yelled. "Why are you doing this shit?" I ignored him as I brushed my teeth, getting rid of the foul taste. I wished I could get rid of the foul human on the other side of the door. Maybe I can't get rid of him, but I can get back at him. I turned the shower on and numbed out his voice behind the door. I needed a shower. I hadn't been able to take one since I walked into our room. I couldn't believe I'd let him affect me to this extent.

I tried so hard to scrub the pain away, I couldn't. I wanted so badly for him to feel the pain I'm feeling. So I'd make him. After showering I picked up my towel and wrapped it tightly around me. I'd use his tactics, but worse. I called Ally's father and stepped out of the bathroom.

He was trying to get my attention, trying to figure out who was on the other side of my phone. Speaking to me. I ignored him as I continued to talk. Just like he had done me.

I talked to Ally's father for nearly an hour before ending the call, he still didn't know who I was speaking to. "Yeah, I'll see you soon." I let him know before ending it. I would see him soon. As soon as I got home. The thoughts going through Zach's mind probably aren't the same as I pulled out my lace red pantie and bra set.

"Who was that?" I shrug my shoulders.

"Ally's dad." He looks confused, he doesn't believe me. The sad reality is even though he lied, I'm being honest. Reverse psychology. It hurts doesn't it?

"You're getting dressed, where are we going?" I slip into the pantie and bra set before grabbing my Jean shorts.

"I'm going to Ally's room to talk to her." I pull up the shorts and grab a cropped white shirt with lips on it. I wanted him to know I didn't want to be around him.

"Do you want me to come?" I shake my head and pull the shirt over. "Why not?" I wanted to just say because I don't want you to.

"We're just hanging out." I slip into my sandals before pulling on my black cardigan. "I'll see you later when I get in, if not. I'm staying in her room tonight." He stared at me, frustrated. I didn't respond to it I only walked out of his room. If we're going to lie now, that is fine. He can tally this one on later. I walked down the hall and knocked at Allys door.

She opened the door and I walked in. "Are you staying in tonight?" She was doing her makeup.

"I met some guy last night, I'll probably head to the pool and hang out with him." I nodded my head and leaned against the edge of her bed.

"Okay, sorry I've been sick the past two days. I feel better now. Tonight I'm just going to stay in though. So if you see Zach tonight, check up on him for me." She nodded.

"Will do, I'll let him know I have my eyes on him." I wrap my arms around her as she smiles and hugs me back. "I'm glad you're feeling better honey." I let go and step towards her door.

"After tonight, I'm feeling much better." I inform as I walk out of her room. I walk across the hall and knock on the door. I hear stumbling around before the door opens.

"Ally, I get so sick of you knocking. That is why I gave you a key darling. Use it!" He demands as he wipes his eyes. "Oh Anna! You're finally out of your room. About time. Everything okay?" He steps back to let me in. I take in his appearance. Dress shorts, button up collared shirt. His hair has been done. He has plans tonight. Not anymore though. He has plans with me now.

"Everything's great Jake. You're staying in tonight." I walk into his room and take my shoes off under the accent table before shutting the door he was holding open and leaning into his body. He doesn't take long at all to respond to my kiss and within seconds I'm lifted from the ground. Whatever he had planned is called off. Whoever he had plans with can be stood up. It makes no difference to me. They can go to hell. They can feel the exact way Lily and Zach have made me feel. Except now I'm the one handing out the pain like fucking Candy. It felt so much better to be on the giving end of this. The receiving was getting suffocating if I'm honest.