Three days after the kiss:
I'm crying. Fighting for words and standing here, motionless and effortless. I fall on my bed bawling my eyes out. The 15 pills weren't worth it. I shouldn't have taken them just because I was stressed. I text bekah and tell her what I did. She tell Samuel and Samuel texts me. "Baby you okay?". I stare at the text wondering how to respond. I nervously start tapping my fingers as I lay on my bed. He texts again. "Kyle I'm getting worried please respond". Those words rung in my ear as I grab my knife. "Please respond, please". How it felt to be needed was such a strong emotion yet it brought me down like a bullet. I throw my knife at the wall, and it lands perfectly in the wall. FaceTime from "Samuel <3". I answer yet I still cry. His soothingly sweet voice calms me down to the point of a mild sob. I can only get small words out. FaceTime from "Bekah :)" I decline and tell Samuel that she called. I continue crying. He keeps reassuring me that everything's gonna be alright. Damnit, the pills are kicking in. It was at any moment I would fall asleep, and wake up tomorrow. I wait 5 minutes. Samuel says he loves me, all I can manage to get out is, love to. I hang up and text him that I'm going to bed. I light a candle and burn some incense and cry for at least another hour before falling asleep
