I slammed my door and run to my bed crying. I take 4 pills then 2 more. My stomach starts hurting a lot but I like the pain. I didn't wanna kill myself I just wanted to hurt myself in a way that wouldn't leave scars. I make a group chat saying I was leaving but it wasn't goodbye. I said 6 pills and then they started talking about elle not responding. They didn't even care that at any moment I could take 8 more or 10 and hopefully die. I got off of my bed crying and sit but the door the other 2 pills are there. I stare at them and decide 8's enough. Samuel texts me and asks about the text Ariana sent him. fuck. I forgot she./ accidentally sent the text which said I wanted to get back together. He said he didn't wanna hurt me again. Honestly he never did hurt me. I fell asleep and my wifi stopped working so I didn't know if anyone texted. I woke up at 5:45 and went back to sleep till 6:40. I got ready and went to the bus stop. India took my phone and took selfies. I got on the bus and arrived at school. Rylee walks in and we had a little conflict on the bus. May and Robbi walk into class and gravitate towards me and sit down in the row in front of me. Ariana walks in and asks to play on my phone. "Give it back at lunch okay?". "Okay kale!". The next few classes of mine are horrible until english. Bekah and Katie get called up because of something that happens earlier. 30 minutes later they come back. Bekah informs the consiler that I had taken 8 pills. I ignored her as she called my name. She could tell I was mad. I looked at the board and started writing down what he told us too. I began crying as I thought about it. 45 minutes later and the lunch bell rings so me and Bekah and Tierra walk to lunch. Rylee tags along and we all walk in. Ariana, hannah and Elle. Me, sarah, hannah walk and get lunch and then sit back down. We all had a fun time and I forgot about pain for a while. After lunch I see naya. She's been ignoring me but I just wanted to hug her one last time before she never talks to me again. I run up to her and hug her. " oh hey son" she says. Then she walks away. I let everyone walk ahead and I watch everyone walking forward past me. The world goes in slow motion and I cry. Feeling so lost. I keep walking and catch up with them going to science. Once I get to science cheyann, Bailey, rylee, and angel are all standing around my desk. We talk then class starts so we sit down. After about an hour of reading class is over and me and bailey walk to the bus. After we get off the bus And Sarah and Bailey come to my house and we go get starbucks and Sarah stays at my house afterwords. Samuel texts me. He wants to commit suicide. ugh I love him so much and I just wish I could tell him. There it is I finally texted him saying I love him. Ugh he just makes me happy and it's so hard to explain to him how much I care. I just love him.
