Identifying Sara

Chapter Eighteen

As soon as we enter the car, my muscles become tense, I stiffen a bit but I do my best to hide it. Fear is the last thing I want on my mind at the moment because I know that I was stupid and walked myself right into this situation. Not that it's so much a bad thing. I think it'll be good for someone to finally see what is behind closed doors, but that doesn't mean I'm half scared to death. I barley know this boy and suddenly I'm going sit and have story time? That scares me! So many thoughts leave and enter my mind as we cruz down the freeway. I don't exactly know what I want out of all this, after I tell him, but I know exactly what I don't want; my life to become an open book for anyone and everyone. I want to be able to tell my story without worrying about my life becoming the next 'Keeping Up With The Kardashains' show. The thought sends chills down my spine and goosebumps rise completely covering my arms. If this is going to work, I'm going to have to get over the voice in my head and the butterflies in my stomach. I also need to be ready, and considering theres not much time left, that has to be soon. But it's hard, it's hard to have such a big story to tell but not knowing where to begin; it's like trying to recite the first day you were actually ever to be able to remember things. Nearly impossible right?

"You alright over there?" Carson asks keeping one hand on the steering wheel. I look over at him and observe him. He seems calm and focused on the road, or maybe he too is lost in his own thoughts occasionally waking up from his daze and realizing this is reality. He looks over at me and raises his eyebrows when I don't respond right away.

"Sara?"

I shake everything on my mind and try to concentrate on the words coming out of his mouth. "Yeah," I sigh, "I'm fine."

He looks back at the road tightening his jaw in a way that makes him look angry but somehow even though we aren't making eye contact, I can still feel his stare returning on me using the corners of his eyes. I look out the window and notice that the city and civilized areas we used to be driving through are now long gone. I'm completely surrounded by trees, many of them being pine trees.

"What's going on in that pretty little mind of yours?" He finally asks breaking the silence with a complete change of mood.

"Are you trying to be creepy?" I ask him. The fact that he keeps inturrupting my thoughts is irritating me. He is not making this any easier.

"I wouldn't say trying," he says smirking with his eyes still straight ahead. "doesn't take much effort actually." I roll my eyes at his words getting ticked off more and more as he uses that sarcastic tone. It's like he knows how to be annoying yet he looks so good doing it. Wait, what the heck?

"Well then we can just go home and I won't tell you anything!" I stick my tongue out expressing my annoyance for him to see.

"Ah, but you would be harming no body but yourself." He remarks with a smile. I want to slap that smile off his face because he is completely correct. Not telling him would only put more pressure on me because he would still be clueless, and I would feel guilty because he has trusted me with his past but I haven't trusted him with mine. Not only that, but no one else knows much about me, and telling Carson would give me at least someone I could talk to about the problems I have, or if something were to ever happen, it would be him that I could rely on; Depending on how he reacts to this whole situation.

I don't know how long it's been since we started driving because I haven't bothered to check the little digital clock beside the radio buttons, but I know it has been way over 10 minutes. It feels like it's been hours though. The sun is beginning to set, making the sky glow with colors of orange, yellow and some pink. It's looks as if it's on fire I admire it for a while until it fades more and more. Further and further into the sky, way out of my reach. I rest my head against the window, not even realizing how dangerous it could be to doze off while inside of Carson's car.