Identifying Sara

Chapter Thirty- Eight

After the talk with Mason, I was up for most of the night thinking about the decision I had to make. It was a simple yes or no question. I could go or I could aviod it. The clock read 1:30 in the morning and no matter how many times I tried to close my eyes and take myself away from the concious state, nothing happened. The only thing I could do was lie there staring at the ceiling replaying hours worth of conversations in my head, most of them having to do with Carson. I know I shouldn't be thinking of him, but sadly it's out of my control I wish things didn't have to end like that, but everything bad must lead to something good. Right?

***

It was a tough decision. A whole day of thinking, just remembering it makes me shudder, it all began with me taking another chance from the sky. Right out of the blue I made a desicion that I never knew was just lingering there, waiting for me to see it.

I wandered around the house looking for Leo. I felt so distant from him and out of everyone I had met so far, but I felt the furthest from him. I ended up finding him in the game room which consisted of a large couch, a few bean bag chairs, a tv taking up most of the space of entire wall and all the video games a kid could ever dream of.

When I entered the room, Leo didn't remove his eyes from the tv screen or his thumbs from the controller. Instead he talked while he played what looked like a car racing game which made his voice have a robotic tone to it.

"What." He said when I opened the door. I took a deep breathe preparing myself for a stubborn conversation with my brother.

"Hello to you too." I say annoyed. "Anyway there are just some things I wanted to talk to you about." Leo doesn't stop playing the game which makes me frustrated. I feel like his attention is only on the game, as if it's the only thing that is important to him. "Okay." He says. His thumbs are all over the controller in a way that makes me dizzy just from watching.

I clear my throat and raise my voice over the sound effects of his annoying car game. "Can you at least pay attention to me?"

Suddenly the car on the screen crashes, glass shattering, car horn blaring, tires go flying. Leo throws the controller on the ground clenching his jaw. "Why should I? You've got dad to do that!" I try to make sense of what he's saying but I don't understand so I make my voice more firm and agressive.

"Stop acting like girl on her period and be serious! I have no idea what you're talking about." I wave my hands around in frustration. Leo glares at me hopefully insulted that I called him a menstruating girl. He takes a deep breathe, "you know exactly what I'm talking about. It annoys me how for however long you've been gone, all dad has done is be out constantly looking for his daughter that his physco wife kidnapped! It sucked for me you know? I never saw him. We never had that father-son bond that most people have. He left me in England, by myself might I add, just so he could find YOU! So don't you dare come storming into this room demanding attention, you've got plenty of it!"

I feel taken back. I don't exactly know how to reply to that. I always knew that my father was looking for me, but at the time I didn't know I had a sibling and I didn't know he was by himself in a foregin country waiting for his father to return. I try to control my breathing so that all the confidence I had before doesn't fade. I'm done being miss innocent. A weak little innocent.

"Do you think I knew that? Because if you do that's stupid. If you weren't in on the interrogation, I have been a piece in this stupid game! I knew nothing about you or Mom or Dad! Hell, I didn't even know you exsisted! Stop blamming this on me when you know you have every right to go to dad himself and tell this to him! The whole reason I came in here was to talk about actually having some sort of a relationship with my brother and you're acting like a child! If this is bugging you so much, go talk to dad you know you have every right to go confront him!" I yell back. Leo expression softens from angry to what looks like intense thinking. He scratches the top of his head looking at the rug beneath our feet.