Identifying Sara

Chapter Twenty-Five

The walk to no where in particular is silent, but not the awkward kind, and not the comfortable kind, it's almost like we are in our own little worlds while in one we are both aware of it but we're too afraid to say something in fear of taking the other from their version of the world. So nothing is said which seems to be okay with the both of us. I barley even notice the cold wind against my cheeks when I hold my boyfriends hand. Wow, I really just said boyfriend didn't I? That's something I thought I would never be able to ever say even though there is a lot of things I always think I never will be able to say but even now it feels too good to be true.

"This all seems to good to be true." I say without realizing that I just broke the silence and not expecting an answer.

"Why's that?" Carson's asks squeezing my hand. A reply. I don't exactly know what to say next, because all that's on my mind is knowing that- well, this is all something I can't exactly explain. To try to make sense of it, it frustrates me that because of my mother, maintaining this relationship it going to take hard work. Things may be rocky and I expect things to not always work out; A happy relationship with absolutely no flaws is something I know is not possible with me, or anyone really. But aside from that, it makes me beyond happy to have Carson in my life because it means I at least get to try this and I have a chance. Also, as of now, he's here to stay.

I bite my lip trying to come up with an explanation that will be enough to say for him to believe but that will also make sense and not just come out of my mouth and some kind of gibberish. "It's hard to explain." I tell him hoping he knows what we're talking about. "But there's so many things I'm feeling at the moment."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Of course it is," I tell him truthfully. "But I feel like this is too good, to rewarding and I feel like something bad is going to happen to take place of all the good things happening." There's no way this could just happen out of the blue without something happening to take away the happiness I am feeling at the moment. Nothing good can happen without something even worse then I can imagine coming in. It's just how it works.

"I think you're being a little on the dramatic side." Carson chuckles. He could be right, but the chances of him being right seem to be very slim when it comes to something like this. I decide to stay silent and run all the thoughts through my head instead of spitting them out of my mouth, just so I don't become overly stressed about it.

"Do you like bagels?" Carson suddenly asks out of the blue. His eye are wide with excitement and his hair is slightly messy in the front from the wind. For the first time I actually don't feel embarrassed to admit that he looks pretty cute like that, all excited like a kid and such. I take my free hand that isn't intertwined with his and brush my fingers through his hair to straighten it out. He gives me pleading eyes, daring me to answer the question.

"I guess I like bagels, I don't know. Why?" I ask him, keeping my eyes on his face, studying his features that are now becoming more attractive to me. He smiles brightly and points his thumb to the small shop behind him. "We are standing in front of a bagel shop," he says. "And we are getting bagels." I nod in agreement and he leads me inside and I stand beside him while he orders two bagels, mine with plain cream cheese, and his with cream cheese and a sprinkle of cinnamon. We decide to eat while we walk around instead of sitting because if we walk while we eat, we will get further before the sun begins to set, rather than it we sit and waste time that we will never get back.

"Ew, cinnamon on your bagel?" I scrunch my nose at the sight of him taking a bite while we walk past the shops as we've been doing for hours. "Yes," he responds. "Does this bother you?" he teases while waving the bagel in front of my face. Carson devours his bagel within minutes and tosses the wrapper into garbage. I try to throw the rest of my bagel away since I haven't found myself to be very hungry, but Carson didn't want to waste it so he ate the rest of mine as well.