Identifying Sara

Chapter Four

What do you do when it's practically midnight and you can't fall asleep? Technically nothing, theres not much you can do, right? I have no phone, or many friends for that matter so it's not like I could easily text someone. To answer my own question, I guess that would mean nothing.

A phone was something I desperately wanted a few years back, but my mother said that technology continues to improve at the speed of light and if somehow my father was smart enough, he could track me down. It scared me enough until I turned about 13, then, I came to my senses, and it all became plain stupid. I knew instantly that it was a lie, but I didn't say anything because I knew it wouldnt't do any good. Plus if I said something, my mother would figure out I could tell she was lying right when it was happening which would lead to her trying harder to improve on her lie telling. It was a good thing that she didn't know I could tell when she was lying because it was so easy for me to get information this way.

I sigh putting my hands over my eyes, wishing sleep would come. My fingers are cold against my nearly burning forehead. My mind begins thinking back to the day I had earlier, nothing too interesting happened, not that it ever would but, it snowed some, I played cards by myself which might I add, doesn't work out very well. And thats about it, nothing ever happens considering I can't have friends or leave the house. Ever

I stare at the ceiling which has the moon's light reflecting on it. Somehow I begin to wonder what my father could possibly be doing at this very moment that I lay here thinking about him. He could be thinking about me as well, sitting at a desk with the light dim but bright enough to see what he's doing, reading glasses hanging from the very egde of his nose, tiredly and gently writing on a piece of paper while listening to the hum of silence the dark night brings as the rest of the city sleeps in peace. The thought calms me, my heart rate slows, I think I'm about to fall asleep when another thought crosses my mind. Something that I have no doubt about my mother saying to me.

He could be sitting in a jail cell. A cold, empty, metal cell. All alone, wearing orange, plotting a genius plan of how he is going to sneak out and finally get his revenge. That is a possibility I don't like to think about though, I like to believe that I actually have a chance of meeting my father one day. Weather it's tomorrow or in 30 years, I just want it to happen. I sigh, rolling over on my side, trying to shake the thoughts out of my head and let sleep overcome my body. I allow my eyes to close and I immediatley am greeted with images from dinner.

"Sarah. Sara? SAR-"

I slam my hand on the table, swing my hand to the side and knock a glass cup over, watching as it falls to the ground and breaks into millions of tiny pieces. It all happens in slow motion. Although I get disapproving glares, I don't apologize.

"What do you want!" I yell at Kristy. She stares at me with a shocked expression filling her eyes she is completely speechless so instead, my mother speaks for her.

"What on earth was that for?!" My mother yells from the kitchen. No responses are spoken, instead I cross my arms and pout not caring if I look like a child. I hit my head lightly against the table wishing my mom would hurry up and get the food out of the stupid oven so I don't have to talk to anyone and can go back to my room sooner. My stomach was barking demands at me, and Kristy was being annoying as ever. All these stupid tests and observations to see how I react to things. Almost as if I am her science project.

Kristy's face returns to normal, trying to act as if it didn't happen. She nods and jots things down on her notepad. "Just testing your reactions to your new name. People are going to call you this Sara, you need to know how to respond."

And sometime, as my thoughts play repeatedly through my head as my heartbeat picks up and slows down, as all different emotions run through my veins, I fall into a dreamless sleep.

+++

"Wake up!" I hear. Suddenly I hear the sound of a pan and pot being smacked together. I bolt out of bed and stumble as I reach my mom whose standing in the doorway of my room.

Just as she is about to smack them together again, I grab her arms stopping her from creating that ear-damaging noise once again. I hold her arms in mid air giving her a deathly glare. It can't be more then 5 in the morning. I can feel the bags under my eyes, my legs are weak and numb from being in sleeping mode, immediately jumping up didn't help. I fight a yawn and my sting, water filling the edges making my vision blurry for a millisecond.

"What on earth are you doing?" I say through my clenched teeth.

"Darling, I have to wake you up somehow!" My mom chirps.

"Ever heard of an alarm clock?" I grumble releasing her arms.

"I haven't unpacked it dear," She says. Of course she hasn't. Why is she so happy today? Her mood makes me sick, it reminds me of smiles, flowers, happiness, it's all too much for me at the moment. She walks away with pride, leaving me there angrily rubbing my eyes with my fists.

I trudge back to room searching every inch of my room for an outfit. There's no reason to dress to impress, so I put skinny jeans and a black sweater on which seems good enough to me any day of the week. Once I'm downstairs with my shoes, coat, hat and a full belly, my mother comes into view.

"Would you like a ride to school?" My mother asks skipping to where I am beside the front door, as I sling my bag over my shoulder preparing to leave.

"Ha-ha. Ya no." I reply, "I'm walking."

As I am about to reach for the door, I feel myself being spun around at the speed of lightning. All signs of happiness and cheer have left the room and is now filled with tension, and suspense. My eyes meet Kristy's filled with anger and rage.

"What do you mean you're walking?" Kristy asks anxiously in my face while gripping my shoulders. My mother is stunned, frozen in her spot behind Kristy, the color and happiness has left her face. I roll my eyes, this is the behavior I hate, I can't do anything normal without being questioned or feeling as if it's a major crime.

"I mean, I have two legs, and I am going to use them to get to school," I say.

"T-That doesn't sound like a good idea." Kristy says biting her lip and looking everywhere but at me. I shrug my shoulders out of her grip.

"Too bad. You can't keep me from doing it." I yank the door open and walk out before anyone can stop me.

"Signs of rebellion-" Is the last thing I hear from Kristy before the door slams shut, muting any more words from her.

Psht. Yeah, I am going to rebel. She isn't wrong though, rebellion is the one and only way to get your parent's attention when everything else seems a simple joke to them. Rebellion is key.

The walk to school is everything I need. Serene, and full of nothing but images of my dad popping out of the woods at any minute, in my head.

+++

"Ah! Miss Gentry, such a pleasure to meet you!" A man no older then 65 says grabbing my shoulders, and smiling showing his slightly yellow teeth. I make a disgusted expression as I feel his spit on my face.

"Yeah.." I mutter.

"Have a seat!" He cheers smiling ear to ear. It takes a second to move because I can't help but stare at this guy blankly. He's creepily happy just like my mother this morning, almost too much like my mother.

I sit in an empty desk in the back of the class. Taking in my surroundings, my eyes land on a pair of dark blue ones looking right back at me.

I look away quickly feeling the heat slightly rushing to my cheeks. Taking another peek back at him, he sits with his feet up on the desk, his arms folded across his chest, he looks comfortable. I feel stupid when suddenly I see him give me a small smile; was I staring for that long?

I look back at the desk and sigh. I remember what my mom told me when I was about 13.

"Don't get too involved with people. Don't tell them the truth." She said, "they will turn on you in the end."

Ever since then I never told anyone about the real me. The lies weighed on me like crazy, but I had to keep my mother and I safe. I didn't choose this life, it chose me.