Identifying Sara

Chapter Thirty-Four

Interrogation goes so much worse than I had hoped, but exactly how I had expected. The questions were like a stab to the chest. Each time was someone was thrusting a knife back into the same wound repeatedly. My breathing was heavy and my jaw ached from clenching it so hard that my teeth shook from holding on for so long.

Sometime after Carson and I took turns gritting our teeth through the painful pictures of the past, a security guard knocked at the door saying it was time for 'The Switch.' Charles nodded and motioned for Carson and Leo to follow William for individual further interrogation while my father and mother both stepped into the room. That however, did not settle well with me. If I had to answer questions, I wasn't going to do it without Carson no matter what.

I jumped from my seat, eyes wide and alert.

I grabbed onto Carson's sleeve just as he was about to walk away. "No!" I yelled. "I-I can't do this without him." I'm given weird looks and disapproved head shakes. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Carson giving me a pleading look as to tell me, "please don't cause a scene," from his head to mine. I don't look at him.

"I'm sorry but that was not a question." William tells me crossing his arms. My breathe quickens, my heart beats fast and my head begins to spin just seeing my father and mother sit at this table. I see it. I see how their marriage failed and nothing could be done to save it. Put them in a room together and that's all you can see. Their facial expressions, their eyes, the way they go out of each others way to ignore each other is all so clear and they haven't even spoken a word yet.

My father stands from the chair he recently sat in. "Annalise-" he stops there, eyes of his own suddenly wide realizing his mistake. How many times do I have to repeat myself? I feel like I'm a child, trying to say something that no one else could give a crap about.

I stomp my foot on the ground like the child I am. "No! I refuse! If he leaves, I don't speak!" My head spins the more I raise my voice. Carson suddenly grabs my arms and tells everyone he needs a moment to speak to me alone. There's no surprise that everyone listens to him, despite everything that he could be accused for.

I'm pulled into the hallway, and the door closes behind us. He runs a hand through his hair, taking a deep breathe probably trying to calm his own pulse. I stand there and watch him pull himself together. "Sara, I know you don't want me to go, I don't want to either but you have to trust me with this okay?" I look away from him, at the dark wall closing us in, in this tiny hallway. "Nothing is going to happen, but you need to just go through with this. Acting like this is only going to make this longer and more miserable for everyone."

I have no control over myself when my eyes begin to water. My lip quivers and my voice shakes along with my hands. This is probably the thousandth time this has happened. I always seem to be crying don't I? I'm so weak, I can't do anything without bursting into tears. I'm so broken, mentally. Though he is basically blaming it on me, I understand. Crying every single place I go is no way to live, but there's no way to stop it. It means I'm scared. And I'm not afraid to admit that I am.

I'm a human. With feelings and thoughts. One thing can make it all happen. My heart will start beating faster than normal, my throat will tighten, unwelcomed tears will welcome themselves onto the edges of my eyes, and my body will shake. It's all involuntary. But I'm starting to realize, it needs to end. my next question is how? How can I make the tears keep themselves in? How can I stop my body from shaking like a chihuahua?

"Carson, I'm scared." I admit before breaking into a sob. He wraps his arms around me allowing to cry into his shoulder for the few moments that I completely lose myself. I feel bad because now he will have to walk around with my tears all over his shirt, but I'm so caught up in the nausea in my stomach and the constant dizziness in my head that I don't even think of it. I just keep allowing myself to completely go insane.