Bless the Broken Road that Lead Me Straight to You

Chapter 5

"Wow, these are actually really good." Erin said, raising her eyebrow at Jay after taking her first bite.

"Don't sound so surprised," he quipped, faking offense.

His tone was flirtatious, and when he smiled at her, it once again made her heart flutter. God. Was that grin ever going to stop having this affect on her? It was so damn sexy. She made sure to steady her voice as she spoke, trying to hide the warmth spreading through her body. "You're right, I shouldn't be," she laughed. Her tone turned a little more serious when she added, "You're clearly a pretty great dad."

Touched and more than a little surprised by her words, he returned her gaze and smiled. This time a softer, more wistful one. "Thank you, I try my best."

She hadn't meant for the conversation to take a more serious tone, and she knew she should try to back up and find a lighter topic. But she couldn't help it, once again, it was like she had word vomit. "It must have been tough. Becoming a widow... all of a sudden being a single father." As soon as the word widow slipped out, she realized her comment was completely inappropriate. She had meant the words genuinely, but she realized she was taking advantage of the situation. He probably thought she was investigating his past as a part of her job as Grace's social worker, and he would likely feel pressured to answer.

"Um... I'm not actually a widow. I, uh-"

Well that she hadn't been expecting. She wanted to hear more, but she forced herself to cut him off. "You don't have to explain. I wasn't saying that in a professional capacity," she shook her head lightly, embarrassed.

"I wasn't answering in one." He replied plainly, and they slowly locked eyes. For some reason, he wanted to explain. There was just something about her sitting on a stool in his kitchen drinking coffee and eating leftover chocolate chip pancakes while his daughter slept down the hall that made him want to sit down and tell Erin Lindsay his whole life story. It was also, probably, those hazel eyes.

When she didn't answer, he brought his coffee over and sat down on the stool next to her. "Maddie's mom's name was Allie." He began, "We were high school sweethearts." She smiled sadly at his words, and he was surprised when he realized that he was already able to interpret her smiles, to find the thoughts and feelings conveyed with each specific turn of her lips. "I joined the Rangers right out of high school and she went to college in Michigan. We broke up. No hard feelings, it was just time. And she still wrote me every week." He still had all the letters in a box in his closet. He used to pretend he was saving them for Maddie. It took him a long time to be able to acknowledge the fact that he had been keeping those letters for himself. "She sent me updates on my family and hers, she told me crazy stories about college, she told me every time she decided to switch her major, and she even told me about the different men she dated."

"Wow," Erin replied at his last admission. She wasn't sure where this story was going, but she could tell Allie was still very important to Jay.

"Yeah. She became my confidant, my best friend." His voice broke, and he was surprised at himself by the emotion clearly evident in them. It had been so long since he had said these words out loud.

Erin reached out and touched Jay's hand in a comforting gesture, but she didn't speak. She just nodded, signaling for him to continue his story.

"When I came back from my second tour and joined the police academy, she had already graduated from college and had permanently moved out of Chicago. But we stayed in touch, and we visited each other often." Their friends and family had been surprised when they transitioned seamlessly into a platonic friendship. "One night she was in town visiting her parents," he remembered that night so clearly, like it was yesterday."Her brother had been killed when we were younger, and it would have been his 18th birthday." He wasn't sure he needed to explain that part, but he wanted to set the stage. It wasn't a drunken night. Maddie hadn't been conceived as a result of alcohol or regrettable choices. She been conceived in a moment of comfort between two best friends. It was probably the most honest and truest love he had ever experiences. The love between the two best friends.