Bless the Broken Road that Lead Me Straight to You

Chapter 34

Erin awoke to Jay yelling out in his sleep. She couldn't decipher his words, but even with his eyes closed she could see the haunted look on his face. She moved towards him, noticing that the cream-colored sheets were soaked with sweat. She had never witnessed him having a nightmare before, and she wasn't sure if she should wake him up or let him ride it out.

She was sure he was dreaming of Allie.

He hadn't wanted to talk about it. He had given her the facts of his April 15th routine, but she could tell he was leaving something out. The way he was peeling the sticker on his beer and avoiding her gaze, she could tell that something that was really plaguing him.

She desperately wanted him to trust her with his thoughts and feelings. But she knew more than anyone that sometimes things were just too hard to talk about. Some thoughts were so huge that they had a way of stealing your word and your breath.

It had taken her years before she could relive the night that Hank rescued her and Bunny. And even then, she had picked the moment to share it with Jay. The date hadn't been sprung upon her, she hadn't been given a deadline,

So she had decided to let him know that she was there for him, but also chose not to push. Instead, she just snuggled with him on the couch, refilled his whiskey glass twice, and after an hour, led him to bed.

He was still tossing and turning, calling out gibberish in his sleep. She was surprised when she didn't hear Allie's name, but instead heard him calling out for a Mouse. She wasn't sure what that meant. Was that a person?

She wrapped her arms around him tightly, not caring that she was quickly becoming soaked with his sweat. She gently pressed his head into her chest and began stroking his hair gently. When he continued to struggle against her, she decided to slip off her shirt, hoping the feeling of her warm skin against his bare chest might subconsciously calm him down.

Thankfully, that seemed to work, because a few moments later his breathing evened out and his body laid pliant against hers.

She didn't sleep at all for the rest of the night. She just continued to hold him in her arms, stroking his hair and peppering kisses lightly to the top of his head every time he stirred.

Finally, the moonlight was replaced by sunlight cascading through the window. She began taking in the room around her, smiling at the subtle changes to the room since she had moved in. Instead of her own drawer, she had her own dresser. Two painted clay bowls stood on the table, an arts and craft project at school that turned into a gift from each other her girls.

She stayed cradled against him, her eyes searching the room, until ten minutes before Jay's alarm was set to go off. Then, she slipped out of bed and threw on his discarded t-shirt and quietly tiptoed out of the room.

The kitchen was freezing, and the light fabric of Jay's undershirt was doing nothing to warm her body. She turned the coffee maker on, and quickly prepared a large cup. She added a spoonful of skim milk and a tiny pinch of sugar, mixing the ingredients together in his favorite Blackhawks mug.

She checked the time on her cell phone. Two more minutes.

She walked back into the bedroom they shared, and put the large black mug on the nightstand. Then she slipped back into bed, wrapping her body around his hard, warm limbs. She pressed her face into his back, and laid a kiss between his strong shoulder blades.

When his iPhone alarm began to chime, he didn't even open his eyes before reaching out for his phone and pressing snooze.

"Good morning," she whispered into his ear. She wanted to ask him how he was feeling, but she didn't. She didn't need to. She knew exactly how he was feeling anyway.