Bless the Broken Road that Lead Me Straight to You

Chapter 35

For Erin, April 15th dragged. At work, she spent the morning keeping herself as busy as possible, trying to distract herself from the magnitude of the day. But even throughout the five school visits she squeezed in, her mind kept drifting to Jay and Maddie. She wondered what they were doing, how they were doing.

That morning, when Jay had reminded Maddie that it was Allie's birthday, she seemed to handle it much better than Jay. She went on with her normal morning routine, and then spent breakfast talking to Grace about show and tell, Grace having finally come to a decision on what she wanted to bring. When she finally went to put her shoes on and began preparing to leave, she turned to Jay and casually asked if they were going to pick up yellow flowers on the way to the cemetery.

Evidently, yellow was Allie's favorite color.

Jay had spent the morning trying to put on a good front for the girls, and for her, but she saw right through it. He seemed to be struggling, no doubt missing his best friend.

When Erin finished up at the last elementary school, she noted it was almost noon. She sighed out at the principal's office, and then walked slowly to her car, trying to enjoy the weather and planning to type out two quick text messages.

The first was directed to Jay. She began to type:

Erin: Hope you're doing okay after this morning. Try to enjoy lunch with your daughter and remember that you have two more girls at home that love you. I'm here if you want to talk. Xo

She backspaced the whole message, realizing it wasn't the right thing to send. She hadn't even said those things in person yet. She certainly shouldn't be sending it over a text message.

Further, even if she really did have the best intentions, she couldn't help but feel like that message was bringing attention to her, when the day was supposed to be about Allie, Jay, and Maddie.

She tried again, typing more slowly this time.

Erin: I hope you're enjoying your spaghetti and meatballs for lunch. Thinking of you, xo.

She backspaced again. That sounded like she was making light of the situation. Of course he wasn't enjoying the spaghetti and meatballs. He was probably struggling to even take a bite, his appetite completely lost in his grief.

God. She had never in her life overthought a text message this much. And she never overthought what she said to Jay. The words usually just flowed out her mouth, conversation coming so naturally to them. Even through the hard stuff, she always found the words.

Resigned, she sighed and typed out one last message. This one short, sweet, and to the point.

Erin: I love you

She closed her eyes and clicked send before she could stop herself again.

At this point she had reached her car, and she fished around her large leather purse for her car keys. When she couldn't find them right away, she could feel herself growing irrationally frustrated, anger bubbling inside her.

Calm down, she thought. She took a deep, calming breath trying to soothe herself. It's just one day. It will be over soon.

She found her keys, and unlocked the door to her car. The weather was balmy, the complete opposite of her current mood. She decided to roll down the windows and open the sunroof, hoping the light and sunshine might seep it's way into her mood.

After another calming breath, she sent out another message. This was one quick and easy, and was to directed to Rachel.

Erin: Done with my school visits for the morning, picking up lunch at Chopped. Lunch date in 30? Send me your order :)