Bless the Broken Road that Lead Me Straight to You

Chapter 13

Chocolate chip pancake Saturday became chocolate chip pancake Sunday, since Jay had spent Saturday at work. Erin stayed for breakfast, enjoying the coffee, the food, and the company of Jay and the two young girls. She had been particularly thrilled to see how well Grace had been gelling with Jay and Maddie. It made her nervous, but excited for Monday, the day she would pass off the case to Rachel and officially get the ball rolling.

Over breakfast, Erin could tell Jay and Maddie were both bursting to tell Grace about the new arrangement, and a part of her wished she could present for that moment. To watch the new family truly take form.

After breakfast, she helped Jay with the dishes while the girls ran into the living room to pick out the board game they wanted to play. Even though there were many objections, Erin had decided she was going to skip the game and go home. She had kept Hank up all night, and she definitely owed him an explanation.

More than that, she sensed things might be moving a little fast between her and Jay. The woman in her loved it. She loved the way she thought of him constantly, she loved the closeness they already shared, she loved the way her heart raced when she saw him. And most of all, she loved that their relationship felt real. She wasn't just getting caught up in the heat of the moment or the excitement of things. She could truly see herself living this life with him. Everyday.

But... that being said, the social worker in her was a completely different story. That part of her, combined with the part of her that would always think and act like Hank Voight's daughter, thought it was best to give Jay and his family some time alone. Jay needed to focus on integrating Grace into the family, and Sunday morning quality time seemed like the perfect opportunity.

Before she had a chance to leave, Jay found her in the hallway. She had expected him to pull her into a passionate and heated kiss, reminiscent of the night before, to remind her exactly what she was turning down by leaving early, but she was surprised when she saw a look of worry on his face.

She loved how much she could sense his moods already. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just-" he rubbed his hand over his face, his tell-tale sign of stress. "How long before you lived with the Voights did you feel like... like a Voight?"

No passionate kisses, Jay was in daddy mode. She tried to think about his question, except there was something about Jay as a father that turned her on so much.

Oh my god, focus. She thought long and hard about her answer, and when she finally spoke, her voice was strained. "I don't think I ever felt like a Voight." His face fell, and she immediately reached out and took his hand in hers. "You have to understand, I was 15 when Hank and Camille took me in. I was a mess. I went home with men from bars just to have a warm place to sleep, so I didn't have to spend another cold Chicago night on the streets. I was arrested for things that I don't even want to tell you - and that's saying a lot." She had already told him plenty.

His eyes softened, and his heart broke as he listened to her words. Their fingers intertwined as she kept speaking.

"I can't tell you how many times I've wondered what my life would have been like if Hank had found me at 4 years old instead of 15." She smiled wistfully. "It's not the same with Grace. I promise you. She will feel at home here, it's just going to take some time." She shrugged her shoulders, hoping she hadn't scared him off with her answer.

Again, he stood at a loss for words. He couldn't think of a single comforting thing to say, and instead he pulled her against him and kissed the top of her head. They stood there for several minutes, just holding each other and wishing things could have been different.