'Till There Was You

Chapter Five: Crush Culture

That night when I fell asleep I had a terrible episode. It was so loud that Aunt Kat came down the hall because she heard my screams. It woke her from a dead sleep. I was impossible to calm down, screaming, crying, and scratching at my own skin until it bled. It was the first time it had happened since the day I met Michael. I felt him slipping through my fingers, and with him my sense of safety drifted away.

Now that the fucking sea witch has her hands on him. She's throwing hurricane force waves at the sea wall that I built around myself, and threatening to take it away. She's washing the pain back into my life with every tide that he grows farther from me.

I don't trust her at all.

That's why I haven't slept since that night. It's Wednesday, and the last sleep I got was Friday night and it was only a few hours. I lay awake at night wondering if she'll break his heart. He doesn't deserve to be heartbroken, even if he doesn't want to be my friend, he's still too good for that.

It feels like my body is physically shutting down, it's begging me to sleep. I won't let myself sleep, I can't keep seeing that room, that scene. I've been somewhat ignoring Michael, still trying to sort myself out from it.

"Hon, why're you ignoring Michael."

I was currently sitting with Ashton at the diner, sharing a plate of fries and having milkshakes. We've grown closer since that night, and he's been wonderful.

"I can't get hurt again, Ash. I can't take it." Is all I mumbled in response, stuffing a bunch of fries in my mouth after.

"You look like you haven't slept in a year." He says with a sigh, and I hold up my hand with four fingers showing. He gives me a confused stare in response.

"Four days actually."

I see his eyes nearly pop out of his head as he gapes at me.

"You haven't slept since..." he starts counting on his fingers, making me giggle.

"FRIDAY!?" He shouts once he figured the math out.

"Can't sleep, but what're you gonna do?" I shrug it off, hoping he won't bother with it. He does though, since it's Ashton.

"Is this about him? Is that why you aren't sleeping?" He starts pressing, and I feel my walls starting to go up, padlocks clicking around my deepest parts.

"Possibly a little. I'm not even sure." It's the truth, but it's lacking plenty of detail. I didn't need him to hear about my fears of abandonment, or how much of my life I placed in Michael's hands.

"Please talk to me, joey." His hazel eyes are pleading with me, but I can't do it. Opening up is an invitation for heartbreak.

"I can't, Ash. I'm sorry... I-I nearly let him in and look where it's gotten me." I let out another seemingly endless sigh.

"It's public knowledge anyway." I mutter, remembering the countless articles.

"I want your side and your story. I don't care what the papers said, I read enough when they were covering it constantly on the news."

I stared blankly at him for a while, until the bell signaling someone entered the diner went off.

"Joey, I love you. Remember that please, for me?" I snapped my head around hoping my instinct was wrong.

But of course there he was, slowly walking toward us.

"Foods on me don't worry about the bill. I'm sorry Jos but I couldn't let you two go on like this. You're miserable, and not sleeping... I mean come on Jo. You're worse off than I thought." He rattles off quickly, trying to finish before a certain someone joins us.