'Till There Was You

Chapter Six: Love is a Lie

*Josy's POV*

Love is a lecherous thing. We give love, and we take love, and innately it's a selfish act. We crave love to satisfy the need for acceptance and constant companionship. Love has an iron grip and a relentless hopefulness that keeps us coming back for more. It's an addiction no one ever gives up, because the craving won't ever subside. There's different types of love obviously; familial love, friendship love, soulmate love, the love of a primal mate, and more. You cut off these pieces of yourself and hand them out like Halloween candy for your entire life. All for the sake of love and companionship hoping it ends in happiness. It's a shot in the dark really, an absolute gamble on if they even want your pieces. Sometimes if they don't, they cast them aside, scattering them in the wind. As if you never really existed at all. Love is hollow and empty but can be fulfilling and beautiful but it's a terrifying trial. The blood sucking leech that you can't remove from your heart, your whole being. Eating you alive and sucking you dry until you're nothing but a hollow shell.

But now what happens when you're seventeen and everyone you've ever loved has nearly up and vanished? Either that or disappointed you so greatly, and betrayed your love and trust entirely. You swear off love, that's what you do. I refuse to cut pieces of my heart off like slices of turkey at a family feast. I will not be fed upon any longer, I've bled more than enough for the sake of love.

A heart in itself is a puzzle, and sometimes you lose a few pieces. Really they were there the whole time, hiding in a corner, maybe under the sofa. I lost what seemed like half of my heart when I lost my family, and I never expected to get those pieces of myself back. I think I just have to find where they're hiding, and face the one who took them. I no longer wish to love, because instead I wish to be whole. I want to feel intact again, I want all of my missing pieces returned, and I want to feel again. I'm so sick of being so fucking empty. I'm sick of loving Michael with the entirety of what's left of me just to be thrown away. I latched onto him like a leech myself, just to watch him pick someone else. I let him be all I had, I let him have all of my love... and I have nothing to show for it.

"Josy? Jos..?" I'm snapped from my all consuming thoughts by the voice of the man that put the final nail in my coffin.

All I can manage is a weak hum in response, sitting up to face them. I can't look at him, not his eyes, or even his face. I'm sitting with my legs crossed as I stare at my hands in my lap, and I can feel their eyes burning into me.

Love makes you lose control of yourself. The ball isn't in your court, and your heart isn't in your own hands. It can be cute calls at 3am just to hear their voice. It can just as easily be crying alone in the bathtub at 3am because the ache is too much to bear. To relinquish control on your most precious organ, is for one, irresponsible but two incredibly fucking painful.

"Why won't you talk to me Josy?"

"Why should I? Why should I give you the time of day just because you want me to? You got the sob story from Kat already so I don't know what you want me to say." My words are laced with a venom that can only be brought from pain. He stares at me completely taken aback, and just as he opens his mouth my door opens.

"Josephine honey, listen to me. I need you to stay calm when I tell you this. I spoke to Dr. Welsh and he thinks you need to go back for more treatment."

Every drop of color drains from my face as I look at her with my jaw hanging.

"N-no I won't go back there Aunty. You know I hated that place." My voice is calm, but the look on her face tells me this is a fight I won't win and I start to panic.

"They're on their way Jos. I'm your guardian and I agree with him. You don't sleep, or eat, you're anxious all the time, and I don't know what to do. If you won't take care of yourself I'm sorry but you have to go."