I woke up this morning to see Remus, wide awake, holding me, and stroking my hair. He was quietly singing 'She' by dodie. It was soothing, that's true. However, every bone in me hurt. Everywhere there was an agonizing pain. Everything had a feeling of discomfort. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and concentrated on the sound of his voice. By the end of the song, he had realized I was listening and flushed brightly. He seemed embarrassed and stopped stroking my hair. I pouted at him missing the touch and his soft voice. I took out my notebook and started writing 'Keep singing please?' Once I showed him he looked embarrassed. He looked away and kept singing. I smiled and laid on his chest. He finished and looked at me. I write in my notebook again 'You have a lovely voice'. I smiled at him and his face was entirely red from embarrassment. I just smiled more and sat up even though it hurt. He supported my back for me and I smiled at him showing thanks. I got up and shakily wrote in my notebook, 'I'm sorry about yesterday, I didn't mean to interrupt you'. "Logie... You shouldn't be worrying about that it was just some creative business that's all, I don't even care about it I care about you..." his face that had just calmed was already back to a light pink shade. My face heated up which I assume meant I was a bit embarrassed myself. 'I'll make you breakfast to make up for it' I wrote to him. "Already did," he said. I was surprised, he doesn't usually cook so I was curious. He got up and came to support me and lead me to the kitchen. Before we were even down the entire stairwell I smelled pancakes with salted caramel drizzle, Crofters, vanilla cream, and bananas. I knew the smell because, as unhealthy as it was, it was my favorite breakfast treat. I sped up a bit which hurt so I stopped not too long after starting. Remus chuckled and I just rolled my eyes. We finally got there and I smiled graciously at him. I sat down and he gave me my plate then placed on the table one for himself. I ate happily and tried not to make a big mess. This was our normal, how we start our day. "So.. Still memory shocked?" he asked me. I wrote on my paper 'I remember a lot more if that's what you're asking.' I looked at him. He nodded "Can you maybe tell me? If not it's fine I get it." He ended in a slight panic. 'I was thinking about what to read, I was thinking of books, and then someone put a cloth over my mouth and I entirely blacked out and woke up trying to scream which I obviously can't but I did cry. I just felt cold and drips of what I now assume was blood. I heard you and you found me and you know the rest.' I finished writing and handed it to him. He stared at it for a bit before looking to me. "I'm not leaving your side again... I promise I won't, you'll never be hurt again," He said. He was more serious than I've seen him be before. I wrote and showed it to him 'it's okay, calm down I'm okay' and I watched him read it. He sighed "I told the others... Please don't be upset about me telling them" he spoke trying to hide his fear of losing me as well as guilt. 'It's okay' I wrote. Then we sat there in silence. I tried to think of something we can do and I remembered something. I wrote it down and showed him 'Do you know morse code?'. "Yeah, I learned when I was a kid, wh- you know morse code?! We can talk and stuff!-" he continued to talk and talk and talk. At some point, he realized he was just babbling and I was sat there listening. This would probably happen a lot in the future. "Sorry Lo, I got excited, " he apologized nervously. I smiled and waved my hands, signaling it was okay and he didn't have to worry. He smiled "why don't we go talk to the light?" he asks. I nod and get up with my notebook. He follows suit and leads the way to the light side. We rise up and everyone is in the living room just relaxing. I looked to my chair I used to sit in and in it sat Janus arguing with Virgil. I used to sit there. I've always been envious... No not envious, in truth, I was always jealous of him. He had everything I always wanted and still does. He had Remus, he was heard, and now? He has a voice, he made friends with them, and so much more. He has so much... I'm always a step behind him. He's always my figurative demise. I now have a headache. I quietly write on my notebook and tug on Remus's sleeve to get his attention. He looked at me and I showed him the page 'I have a headache' he thought but didn't seem to know what to do. "Pog through the pain?" he says nervously. I smile and roll my eyes them put my notebook away. I link arms with him and lean my head on his shoulder as we watch the growing argument, now including Roman and Patton is just trying to calm them down. We were figuratively invisible, it wasn't even that bad. I used to feel jealousy and anger when I was ignored. It was okay now though because... I wasn't alone. I have someone silly and intrusive and caring and cool and sweet and nice and more. He's always here for me... I'm sure many would question why I'm happy he's intrusive and well its because he's always paying attention to me, even if its to bother me or to say disgusting things I just laugh and he seems to be happy. That's all that matters.
(hey guys! Sorry, I haven't updated a lot- it's been hard with school and other stuff. It's been rough and a hard place to find inspiration. Finding what they were gonna do took days- anyway- yesterday was Janus's birthday! I posted a drawing that I'll put at the bottom. Also, please let me know how you're doing! I love you all so much (platonically) and I hope you're doing better than me. Stay Covid Safe and Stay Positive Pals!)
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