REMEMBER (l.s)

treated

HARRYS POV

2 years into his disappearance.

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Still. 

Everything is.. still.

Nothing is happening anymore. It's the same routine every single day of my life. 

I can't help but think if it was always like this? Have I always been such a bore? Do I still want to be one?

I've made no new memories. I don't even know how long I've been here for.. Camille won't tell me a single thing. 

Well, I guess I have made new memories. If you count doing chores around the house memories than yeah.. I've made memories.

I don't even know where I live. Isn't that weird? 

Maybe this was how it was before but I don't even know because I can't f*cking remember. 

All I've been doing for the past god knows how long is wake up, clean, wait for Camille to get home from work, and then make dinner.

Then when I try to cuddle her she turns around asking for me to be the big spoon! No, I don't like being big spoon.

Ugh.. what did I do? What caused me to get here? Why am I with her.

This is hopeless. My life is hopeless. I mean, cmon! It's my life but I feel like I'm being controlled like a god damn puppet.

I reciprocate no feelings towards Camille.. I'm too scared to tell her though.

I just clean and do everything around the house while she goes out and works. Don't get me wrong.. I love doing that but I also want to have a choice.

It kind of feels like school.. like on the television when kids hate school so so much and it just leaves them feeling this type of way that no one can describe unless you've been there yourself.

I guess that's how I feel.

I've asked Camille a plenty of times to allow me to get a job but each time she just shakes her head and walks to our shared bedroom that feels cold every time I step foot in there.

Camille won't let me do anything! I mean.. she won't even let me have friends! Says that she's scared I'll get hurt again like last time.

I don't care if I get hurt a million times, I'll at least still know what having a f*cking friend is like. Not some girlfriend who every time I do something she doesn't want, throws a whole fit and sometimes get's so angry I shake visibly.

She apologizes after and every. single. time. I don't want to forgiver her. But.. every single time she forces me to forgive her. 

I don't even know why I haven't left her yet. I mean I've read these books about memories I think? Amnesia is what it's called. 

It says that over a period of time some of my memories should've already made an appearance. Why haven't they've come up yet?

Surely I've had to have had memories in this apartment complex? Right?

Unless..

No Harry, that's the dumbest thing you've ever thought of.

I sigh and play with the end of my shirt. The cotton fabric feels.. nice on my long fingers. I guess I do this often.. it's my escape kind of?

I mean I have nothing else to do. I've read all of the books on the shelves. Seen every television show there is to see.. well except the news channel.