voodoo doll // c.hood

41; confessions

C A L U M

And with those few words, that ghastly confession, my whole world came crashing down behind me. Every fibre of my body was lit up in an inferno, a fire spreading full of anger and despair.

I honestly thought that I could trust Amity, and I thought that what we had actually meant something to her. I disregarded the negative thoughts that maybe, just maybe, she would cheat on me with Michael. I truly believed she was all mine, and that no part of her belonged to anyone else.

But that was contradicted when she willingly locked lips with Michael.

Does this mean that she has been on and off with Michael ever since the party, when I walked in on them about to kiss? Has she just come up with some believable facade so she could have two guys at once?

Whatever game she was trying to play, I was done with it. I was no pawn she could control, taking what she wanted and leaving me to pick up the pieces. I wasn't going to be her fool anymore.

"When we first started dating, everything was so confusing. I was caught up in a web of lies and I didn't know where my head was half of the time. But you were the one to help me, help me decipher all of my problems so I had a decently clean mind. The whole time I thought you were cleansing me, when in all reality, you were poisoning me." I spoke, wiping harshly at the tears that were silently falling.

Amity remained hunched over on the gravel, uncontrollably sobbing and facing me, but not being able to keep any eye contact with me.

"If you didn't want to be with me, you should have had a certain amount of decency to tell me. The fact that you have been stringing me along has created a sick feeling in my stomach and it won't go away. I fucking love you, and now I don't know what to believe."

"It's hard for me to trust people, because a lot of the time that trust isn't real. I hate putting my heart out on the line, because that's the easiest way to get hurt. Through all my issues I found a way to let you in because I cared for you, and I fell in love with you. So hard, and so fast."

"That being said, this has to be over. I can't keep coming out of my comfort zone just to come back in a few months later due to a lack of trust, and too much hurt. We are done, so you can do what you want with Michael... because you aren't mine anymore and I was never yours."

My heart is thumping so fast in my chest I'm scared it might just fall out onto the gravel. I go to get into my car but am stopped by Amity screaming.

"No! You don't understand Calum. This can't be over, you're all I have! Please don't leave me, why does everyone leave me?"

"It's for the better Amity... Because in about 2 weeks I'll be at university. It was a mid-year scholarship, and I have to move permanently away from here. So even if we tried to work through this mess, I'd be gone before you know it." I confessed.

Amity thrashes her hands on the ground, and I can see the blood already appearing on the number of scratches made from the gravel. She sobs even harder, shaking her head over and over, trying to comprehend my confession.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner Calum? Why? You talk about me stringing you along, which I didn't even do, when you did the exact same thing for weeks! You're a hypocrite!" She cries out, and it takes everything in me to not walk over to her and comfort her.

"I didn't know how to tell you. The words could never come out in the right way."

It was ironic how it took another upsetting confession for my long-winded confession to finally come out.

"You know, maybe this was for the best. Now I don't have to worry about 'breaking your heart' when I leave because you've got a cold, impenetrable heart of stone, Amity Green."