voodoo doll // c.hood

19; gone beyond repair

A M I T Y 

My life was a mess, messier than usual. Usually, it's just the inevitable issues with my Mother and the constant memories that my Father purposely left me behind, and the fact that I have to go to school and hang with a bunch of people who for the most part, hate my guts. 

But now, I had boy troubles. A plural, not singular. 

Calum, well he had been starting to prove that he was the person he said he would be. He made me giggle, he made me blush, and he made me happy. But when we were around another people, he found it too hard to stick up for me and it hurt. Since the day when his Mother barged in, calling me a prostitute and I ran away, I hadn't seen him. He had been endlessly texting me for days, asking why I wasn't at school and apologizing every two seconds. He told me that he had been looking for me everywhere, thankfully not knowing where I lived.

I hadn't been to our hideout, in case he found me, and instead have been hiding in my room drinking the days away whilst trying to decipher the code to figuring out all of my problems. 

Then there was Michael. My best friend, one of the only constants in my life. Who had confessed his strong and long-lived love for me while standing his front yard looking like he hadn't slept in days. To which I replied by running away, like I always do. 

I mean what was I supposed to say? I have never thought of him in that way, and I definitely never thought he could think of me in that way. My thoughts and feelings were jumbled enough about Calum even before this happened, so now I can say I'm totally and irrevocably fucked. 

He's messaged me a few times, along with a few missed calls and upset voicemails, but stopped after I didn't reply in the first day.

I couldn't face either of them, so I haven't been to school in a few days. Mum hasn't realised yet, and something tells me she won't care even if she did find out. I have the house to myself, since she's going out and working some shitty job then spending all of her money at the bar afterwards. 

At this point, I came to the conclusion that I hated myself. I had turned into my Mother, hiding from all of my problems and drinking copious amounts of alcohol. What a life to live, hey!

Whilst downing my third glass of some shitty wine my Mum got given for Christmas, my phone highlights, showing three text messages from Michael. This surprised me, as I thought he had given up on trying to contact me. I slide open my phone to read the messages that I probably won't reply to.

amity I've done something bad and I'm scared you're going to hate me for it I don't know what to do

amity please text me back. I'm sitting outside the school office with calum.. I got really wasted because I'm so upset and I hit calum 

amity please come and see me at school I'm going insane and I need you please

Choking on the liquid in my mouth, I quickly throw the half empty bottle to the floor and run to my wardrobe. Chucking on a pair of black jeans and a random t-shirt, I brush my hair and pull it back into a pony tail. I grab my phone and pull on my sneakers, running out of my room and the house in a rush.

Normally, it would take me at least 20 minutes to walk to school. But given the situation and the millions of thoughts running through my brain at once, I start to run. The alcohol is affecting my brain, and I'm finding it hard to run in a straight line. But Michael needs me. And in turn, so does Calum.

Why the fuck did Michael even hit him in the first place? 

It's all your fault. 

My conscience is right.