13 Novella 2

Falling

TW: suicide

Your eyes widen and you feel bile rise in your throat at the very mention of that name.

You drop to your knees from your chair and attempt to right yourself.

There is a chance you might recover, when you feel a pair of hands grab you around the waist. Men's hands.

Shrieking in utter fear you scramble to your feet, flailing your arms as you try to escape.

This is it, this is why you don't trust men, they want to hurt you, you will never be safe. You sprint out the medbay, legs taking you into the console room and to the exit doors before your mind has even caught up.

You fling them open with your shoulder and jump out into ridiculously cold air. You gasp lungfuls, trying to dissolve the dizzying panic which surrounds you in a seamless cloud.

Your heart is trying desperately to escape your chest as your whole form shakes uncontrollably.

This was beyond a panic attack; you could feel your mind deciding whether it should succumb you to darkness as it tries desperately to hold back the onslaught of memories.

"(Y/n) it's ok! Trust me you're safe!" The Doctor gasps as she nearly falls out the Tardis in her haste.

Panicked you take a step back and stumble, leaning forward to stop yourself falling.

You hadn't even noticed.

The cold air biting at your cheeks, the wind howling in your ears, the roaring noise that wasn't just your thoughts.

You were hundreds of feet up, standing on some sort of ledge.

You gasp as the world swirls below you, and try to focus on the Time Lady's voice.

The glow of The Tardis lights up the roof you stand on, a beacon within the night sky.

"(Y/N)!" She shrieks as you almost lose your balance again. "(Y/n) please, step forward, this is dangerous, take my hand!" She calls against the wind whipping her words away.

You are trying to gather your thoughts when someone else steps out The Tardis.

You instinctively go to step back and trip, but catch yourself before you fall, kneeling on the edge.

"(Y/n) be careful! Please I won't hurt you, I promise. I heard everything you said, and I feel the same way. We can make this work! You and me and The Doctor! Together. Please (Y/n)!) he calls then stops. "Give me a chance. I'm still the same Jenny and you know it. Please" he finishes with a whisper, desperation in his muddy brown eyes.

"You don't understand" you reply with a shaking voice before turning to look over the horizon at the navy sky.

Teeth chattering slightly you open your mouth to speak, knowing they can still hear you with their impossible senses. "I died a long time ago. I'm broken. And I'm done. I tried, really I did. Doctor, you believe me? I tried, and you really did everything to try and save me. It just wasn't enough" you end.

"(Y/n) stop. Please where there are tears there is hope. We are all still here, and we all love you... please (Y/n) hold on." Says The Doctor with emotion, but you are gone.

You turn and smile, tears running down your face.

"I'm really going to miss you all. But I'm done. Goodbye Doctor, goodbye Jenny." You say then blink slowly "Keep my world safe for me, yeah?" You smile one last time and close your eyes, blocking out their screams as you topple gently off the edge, and begin your descent.

* * *

It's funny, you really think you should be more scared, but it's peaceful.

You are plummeting but floating, drifting and drowning, eyes watering so you close them and let your body go completely loose.

You do wish it were quieter, the roaring of the freezing wind in your ears drowns out all your thoughts but perhaps it was easier this way. No thoughts and no tears. You should have done this sooner. You were leaving, and there was one lone thought that swelled deeper than any other.

You were going to see your Mother and Abi again.

So you stop resisting the wind and allow it to deafen you, just enjoying the fall, not thinking about hitting the ground, surely you'd be unconscious by then, with the air running out...

A deep vibration explodes from your back in every direction, and you are suddenly aware that whatever air you were gasping for is heavy and liquid.

Against your will your eyes try to open, and you gasp again for air.

You choke on water- Water?! -and feel yourself sink lower and lower into darkness.

You inhale mouthful after mouthful, an intense headache plaguing your skull as you spin and rotate in the water.

You want to accept defeat but your lungs are fighting.

Actually the dark is fading, and you can feel hands under your chest, pulling you up and up and up until you break the surface and feel moist air. You are weak and hazy, lights too bright and water too warm.

Warm, everything is warm, especially the hands around your chest, towing you through the water.

You feel yourself hit solid wall and sense more hands pulling you from the liquid depths.

In spite of everything a thought drifts into your beaten head.

You were dying, and now you are not.

The thought itself almost kills you with disappointment.

"I've got her!" Someone shouts, a man, and you feel strong arms pull you from the water, bright lights all around you, and through your frozen clothes you feel thrumming beneath you. The Tardis then.

You are flopped across the warming floor where you lie as the man leaves you. With a dull whooshing noise you sense them pull someone else from the water. A woman, judging by the gasping and light footsteps.

"Doctor what do we do?" Calls the man anxiously, lightly caressing your face.

Nothing in the world could make you open your eyes. The fear was too real.

Someone falls to their knees beside you, and you know they are soaking wet and shivering. They lean down over your face and everything goes quiet.

"She's breathing, she's alive, Jenny it's ok she's alive" she gabbles randomly, and you feel them both relax.

"Oh thank god thank god thank god" the man replies sounding giddy with relief.

"Yes, Jenny she's alive, but now you are going to have to trust me." The woman says seriously, and despite everything you are listening through the fog.

"We have to take her back; She's not safe, and you know what has to happen now." She says seriously.

Those dreaded words are enough to make you pass out, and that's exactly what you do.