13 Novella 2

Moment

"I don't get it" you stutter. "How did you...? I'm alive...? Why did you...?" She laughs at your expression and peels you confidently off her chest, holding you away by the shoulders to scrutinise you reaction.

"One question at a time please, but of course. I died bringing you back, yes you're alive, and why? Because I lived six months without you. And it was six months too many." She finishes with a nervous grin.

Six months... it had been a year for you.

"I waited" you swallow, turning to The Doctor who looks at you with intense eyes. "You didn't come back."

"(Y/n) I'm sorry. I had to do what I thought was best. I wanted you to stay, but you were a danger to yourself. You needed watching, and you needed help. One day I hope you can forgive me." She says quietly, Yaz squeezing her hand in reassurance.

You want to be angry at her, but you just can't. Instead you smile warmly.

"You did what you thought was best. I understand" you nod.

You all stand in a slightly awkward silence none of you looking at each other when Jenny breaks the quiet.

"So..? Back to The Tardis?" She says with a grin, before catching your expression and cocking her head to the side. "Everything alright?"

"You're very... different." You say shyly.

"Yes well I'm quite literally a whole new person. But don't worry, same memories, and definitely the same feelings" she whispers that last part in your ear and you blush.

The Doctor turns and begins to lead the way holding Yaz's hand. You get the impression she wasn't quite done with you, but that was a conversation that was going to have to wait.

You begin to follow but stop, clutching your head when a sharp pain stabs your temples.

You cry out and Jenny grabs your arm, steadying you worriedly.

"(Y/n) are you ok?" She asks anxiously. You shake your head dizzily and feel your legs give out, saved from tumbling to the ground by Jenny's strong arms.

"Doctor something's wrong!" She calls and you feel slight dull vibrations in the ground as the blonde runs back to you.

"What happened?" She asks, feeling for a pulse and lightly tapping your face. You moan softly and curl into a ball, feeling warm hands hold you steady.

"I don't know she just fell, oh god is it something I did to her?" Asks Jenny anxiously.

"Maybe... this is new for all of us. Ok don't panic, bring her into The Tardis. Regeneration energy isn't meant for humans. It might just be too much for her. She did only just come back from death after all..."

You feel yourself carried by Jenny at a light jog through the Tardis doors. You wish you could have walked, you would like to have taken in the machine all over again after all this time.

She carries you close to her chest and you snuggle into the warmth, listening to the beat of her strong heart.

Bright white lights tell you you have arrived in the medbay and you feel Jenny go to set you down. You whine softly and grip her closely. Understanding, she turns and sits on the bed with you still her arms where you flinch involuntarily at the touch of The Doctor running tests and listening to your heart.

You groan again and she strokes your cheek softly.

"Don't worry sweetheart it's going to be ok" she says quietly. Then "Doctor?"

The pain is being overshadowed by a single image of yourself, fading again, it is temporary and panicked and strong, like a sure drumbeat.

You don't know what's going on but their speech sounds distant, likes it's coming from a long tunnel. Finally The Doctor straightens up.

"She's going to be fine, I think it's just an after reaction to the last of the energy dissipating." She confirms, putting down the stethoscope. "(Y/n)? You're going to be fine, but you need to rest now, and I need to talk to Jenny." She says softly.

You nod without opening your eyes and feel Jenny set you onto the bed and tuck you in. Too tired to think properly, you allow sleep to take you under.

                               *             *             *

You take a few minutes when you wake to think. Just hours before, you had been dead. Jenny brought you back, but it was you that took your life. You were glad to be with her, but what did this mean? Was this the cure? Was this the answer to your problems? Were you different now? Your head aches just thinking about it so you rise slowly, testing your limbs one at a time.

What did you want? What did you need? Actually right now you needed the toilet. Luckily there was one opposite the room in the medbay. You relieve yourself and wash your hands, catching your reflection in the mirror, and then it hits you.

Everyone other than the three people on this ship believed you to be dead.

It shouldn't hurt so much, there wasn't really anyone left you cared about- but it does.

Did people come to your funeral? You had been buried next your mum and sister... that was nice. You wonder who decided that? Maybe they just made the connection with the surnames. Jay wouldn't have been that considerate.

Jay.

Did he come you your funeral? Did he cry? Did he say he was going to miss you? Did he pretend he loved you? The thought makes you sick.

Your head is pounding and you splash your face with cold water, liking the sound of the running tap. It was settling and mildly painful.

"Cut it out" you mutter, exhausted, when the psychosis images return to the back of your head.

They are quieter than usual and deeply sad. You realise that they are probably based off how you feel. That does nothing to improve your mood. You need to shut this up, and there was only one thing that helped.

Surely somewhere on this huge ship was what you were looking for? You leave the bathroom quietly and lean against a wall tentatively.

"Hello old girl, I was wondering if you could take me somewhere?" You ask and you watch as a door opens ahead.

You smile and walk through, finding yourself in a room with a huge red piano on a raised stage. You grin, having missed this machine, and make your way up to it.

Your hands hover uncertainly over the keys until a song forms. You know it by ear, so play as best you can that way. You sink into the music, utterly losing yourself.

"I walked across
An empty land.
I knew the pathway
Like the back of my hand.
I felt the Earth, beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete.
Oh simple thing,
Where have you gone?
I'm getting tired and I need someone to rely on.
And if you have a minute why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything,
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know?"