13 Novella 2

Change

You scrunch your face against the music in your ears. It takes you a second to realise the music is real, someone has put earphones in your ears, playing songs you haven't thought about in many years.

Unable to lift your heavy arms, you listen to the melodies and steady your breathing.

After a while you decide to actually open your eyes.

You are recognisably back in the Tardis medbay and mercifully alone. You sense rather a lot of time has passed, and surprisingly you are not hooked up to any machines.

With this knowledge you sit up with great effort and dangle your legs over the side of your bed. You are in soft joggers and a plain white t shirt.

You pull out the other earphone and instantly panic at the image of someone approaching, just outside the door. It's The Doctor's perspective again.

You jam one back in and sit up expectantly. The Doctor comes though the door with a tense face that clears smoothly into a smile when she spots you.

"Ah hello (Y/n), you're awake that's good to see, how do you feel?" She asks, putting down a silver tray on a nearby bed. You don't repond, face blank.

"Yeah stupid question" she mutters and lowers herself onto the bed opposite you.

"I can't imagine what you went through" she says quietly, trying to catch your eye. You stare blankly back at her.

"(Y/n) please say something. I can help" she pleades.

You fight with yourself. It's not that you don't want to speak; you literally and physically can't.

"Do you want to see Jenny?" She asks, and at that moment Jenny bursts through the doors anxiously.

"Is she awake!?" She says before seeing you and rushing over. Panic envelops you and you scurry backwards off your bed and hit the floor with a thump.

"Jenny stop! You're scaring her" The Doctor calls, having risen to her feet but not approached.

"(Y/n) it's me..." Jenny says uncertainly but you shake your head, getting to your feet and lowering yourself into an armchair an extra three feet away.

"I think she just needs time" says The Doctor, holding her daughter's arm. "She went through hell and back." She adds, voice breaking slightly in pain.

You look up at the two of them, eyeing their twin expressions of pity and pain. You look away.

"(Y/n) can you talk?" The Doctor says softly as Jenny sits awkwardly on the edge of your bed. It's a bit too close so you draw your legs up to your chest in protection.

You don't respond, unable to accumulate any kind of awareness of your surroundings. The Doctor sighs then steps back.

"(Y/n)?" You look up and just about meet Jenny's eyes. To your sadness they are sparkling with tears that she blinks back. "I'm so sorry about what happened. Just so you know, I will always be here for you if you need me" she finishes then turns to leave.

You try to say something, anything, but your voice refuses to work.

The Doctor looks down at you then reaches for the tray making you flinch. She gives you a reassuring look and nods slightly. You try to breathe out.

"What did they do to you?" she whispers mostly to herself, keeping eye contact. You don't react. She sighs and leans away.

"I need to do some checks, is that alright?" She asks slowly. You still can't react. She takes that as a yes and approaches, trying to be slow and ignore your twitches and flinches. She reaches out and you lean back. She drops her hand and looks at you sadly.

"Would you like me to put you back under?" She offers and you still say nothing but lean back further.

"Ok (Y/n), call me if you need anything. I'll bring you some food and we can decide what to do next. Rest now" she says gently and exits quietly, leaving you with the sound of your thumping heart in your chest.

When all is quiet you stand. You walk uncertainly to the door and test it. Locked. Of course, you were known for not being trusted. You walk over to the cupboards and search for about ten minutes through the few low risk items you are trusted near until you come across what you are looking for.

It's a pink box which rattles when you pick it up. You walk into the attached bathroom and close the door. No locks on this one. You stare at your reflection for longer than you intended before ripping it open. You dig through and scan the instructions, it should be done in half an hour. That's enough time.

You squeeze the fat tube into your palm and massage it roughly into your scalp. You think it might be blue but you don't really care.

You just needed a change. To pretend for even a second that you were someone else. That what happened in that chamber had nothing to do with you.

You rub it in furiously, yanking though your hair to the ends until your head is suitably covered.

You sit in silence on the toilet seat for another half an hour, ignoring the knocks at your door from The Doctor with your food. She gives up and you hear her leave eventually.

You wash out the dye before towel drying your head, hair a mercury blue with slightly darker ends. It doesn't look too bad. You almost wish it looked worse.

After listening at the door you pad softly into your room and climb back into your bed, not bothering to clear up the bathroom.

Shivering against your sopping hair, you spiral back into sleep.