Smuts of Bangtan

¤ Kim Namjoon II ¤

She knows I'm here. She knows I'm watching. She's acknowledged me but still continues to flirt away to her single heart's content. 

I have no place to get mad or jealous, I'm the one that broke up with her when it should have never even crossed my mind. We're both idols and trust is hard to come by. She went on tour and rumours started sparking that she was seeing someone in France. Both of us being together (without the public knowing) and the rumours flying around wildly made it easy for a fight to start out.

She cried, she begged and pleaded her innocence, but what did I do? I walked out on her because there was evidence of the man she was seeing. About a month after I broke up with her, it came to light that the man she was seeing was her brother for her France tour date.

I remember feeling like my heart had stopped and all my life was sucked out of me. Even if there was evidence of her seeing another man, I should have asked about who the man was rather than jumping to conclusions. It was all too late now. I've allowed the opportunity for another man to take her, to keep her safe and to make her feel loved. 

Closing my eyes, I turn away and walk in the same direction that my band members have gone. Despite pain swelling in my chest, I just have to accept that what has been done, has been done, and I cannot take my actions back. My mind tortures me with a replay of her flirting with another man, I could feel the sting of tears threatening my waterline and I have to rapidly blink away the pain. I'll let my frustration and pain out later when I've returned to my hotel room.

"Hyung," Jimin calls softly.

While walking with my head hanging low, I hadn't even realized that Jimin had fallen back to be at my side. Taking a deep breath, I look at him and smile, but his face falters a little before he smiles back at me.

Jimin doesn't say anything, but I know he knows how I'm feeling and that I'm trying to stay strong. That's one beautiful thing about Jimin, he knows when the time is to have a conversation about something serious, but when it isn't the time for a conversation, Jimin will let you know that he's aware of how you're feeling even if no one else has caught on.

Nothing else is said but he beckons me to follow him back to our dressing room. Once we've arrived I see that my band members are having their hair and makeup redone. However, I continue my way through the dressing room to the bathroom on the other side; I need a place to be able to regain myself to get through the rest of the night.

Checking that I have locked the door to the bathroom, I then lean against the sink of the bathroom to hang my head, close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. The sting of tears threatening to fall creeps back making me squeeze my eyelids together as much as possible to stop them from falling. All that I keep thinking about is how her future is going to be so bright and happy, but I won't be a single thought to her.

Despite my efforts to stop my tears from falling, I admit defeat and open my eyes for a stream-like of tears to fall down my cheeks. The pain in my chest starts to ease up despite my absolute despair. I know time will eventually heal me, but for now, I just need to accept my pain and my loss. All that I am thankful for is that our performance has already been delivered and I do not need to rush back for the rest of the awards to be revealed.

I don't know how long it's been since my tears started falling, but a knock at the door brings me back to the present and I rush to wipe my tears away. I don't even think to look into the mirror in front of me before turning around to the door and opening it. A band member or a member of staff is who I expected to be at the door.

Never in a million years did I expect her to be there. (Your name).

Just gazing at her beauty, it tears my walls down again and I begin to softly cry in front of her. Her face softens and she blinks rapidly as though she's fighting to stop herself from crying. She says nothing but gently places her palms on my cheeks and softly tilts my head to look at her. It's then that I realize that it is just her in the room; staff members and my band members are not even in the room anymore.