My diary

"I miss you, mother"

"I will tell you a story, sally." my mother said to me. "Listen closely." I noded and looked her deep in the eyes as she was wrapping a blanket around my tiny body. She put me close to her beating heart. She smiled at me and said in a soft voice: 

"You see, as a child my mother told me this story, that I won't be sad when I miss her." "Grandma told you the story!" I said hyped and in my squeaky childish voice. At that time I was five, I didn't understand about what the story was and I didn't see my mother's tears. We were on the same field as we are now, at the same spot and at the same time. My mother continued:

"Yes, grandma told me the story." My mother put a strand of my hair behind my ear and pointed at the moon. "That is the moon. It is so far away from us, but it feels so near. If you ever feel the same way to any person, just now that they are never far away, they are always near you." she pointed at my heart. "They are always in there. They are like the moon. Sometimes you won't see them, but they are still there and they will always shine bright, so that they can give you light in your darkest times.  Your grandmother told me, that if you miss someone the moon will know about which person you are thinking, he will know that your heart misses them and so he will listen to to you. You just need to look at him and tell him your thoughts, so the moon can send them a sign that you miss them. And if they take the sign and look at the moon, the moon will tell them all your thoughts and all your feelings."

"How are they going to see my sign?" I asked my mother curiously. "They won't see it, darling. They will feel it in their heart." she says laughing. "Mommy, can I send grandma a sign?" I asked. At that moment I didn't understand that my grandmother was dead. I was four as she died. I didn't know at that time that she would never come back, I didn't know about death and my mother hadn't the strength to explain how death is working. My mother used her whole strength to not cry at this moment. She was very close to my grandmother. I only realized this after some years. I never thought about this day until now. 

"Of course, you can send grandma a sign. She will be happy about it." as a child I didn't realize how her voice broke down after this sentence. "Hey grandma, I miss you. Here is your pumpkin pie. I can't wait to hug you again. Mommy bought me a little kitty. His name is Milky. He really loves milk. I want to show him to you, he is soo cute. Bye, grandma. I love you." I screamed this at the moon, but nobody was around. Just me and my mother. 

"Mommy, why are you crying?" I asked her. As a child I didn't realize what pain my mother went through at this moment. But she just said to me that she missed grandma and she hugged me. 

"Your mother sounds like a wise lady. But why are you telling me this, sally? I thought you wanted to explain why I can't meet your mother?" "Alex" Sally looks deep in the eyes of her boyfriend and tears start to fill up her eyes. 

"My mother died, because of breast cancer two months after she told me this story about the moon. She knew that she is going to die and that there was no cure for her cancer, so she didn't want to spend her last two months in a hospital bed. She wanted to spend her last two months with me and my dad. That's why you can't meet her. Every night on Sunday I come here and speak to her through the moon. She was right. Even if she is so far away, I feel so-" Sally's voice cracks and she starts to cry. Alex hugs her tight and says calmly: "You don't need to speak anymore." 

"I MISS YOU, MUM." she screams with tears in her eyes. "I MISS YOU SO MUCH" Alex wipes the tears of Sally away. They look both at the beautiful moon and some stars appear. 

//Hey guys, my message behind this story:

This story has a personal aspect, that I was ashamed off, but I want to share it. As a child I didn't have many friends. I only had one friend that I barely saw and I don't have siblings. My parents were always at work and so the only person that I could talk to about my problems and my thoughts was the moon. I always sat down on a Sunday and talked about my week, about the new books I read or the things that were on my mind. I know this sounds stupid, but it felt like I told my thoughts to another person, who is looking at the moon, too. 

Sometimes the things that are far away from us, feel like the closest. My grandmother lives in Russia, while I live in Germany. So she is very far away, but if I talk to her through the phone it feels like she is near me. So every time I miss someone and I can't talk to them, I speak my thoughts to the moon. Even if I know that they won't hear it, it helps a little bit, because at least I don't keep my thoughts to myself anymore. 

The second message I want to tell you, is that when someone walks out of your life, no matter how they go out of your life, no matter if they are alive or dead, and no matter how you lose them, the memories with them shouldn't be something that you run away or that you want to forget, they should be good memories even if they hurt you. You should never forget something that once made you happy, even if it makes you sad right now. You should learn to cope with the pain and cherish these moments instead of avoiding or forgetting them. After all you can't live through this memory again with this special person. 

Have a nice day guys and I hope you are not too sad after this story. ♥ //