Her Portrait Is Black and White

A Bad Day

Tina woke, her mind was racing, the thoughts were overwhelming like they had been the night she had walked away from her family. She got up. Looking back at Bette. She smiled as she wife slept peacefully. Tina walked out of their room. She checked on Xavier and kissed him before she headed downstairs. She opened a bottle of water, taking a long drink. She also took her anxiety meds. She walked out into the studio, opening the doors. She took out a new canvas, she took out some paints. Finding the darker colours.

She took out a brush and stared to paint. Slowly added layers of paint to make the darker spots on the canvas. She lost track of time as she started to get lost in the painting. She hadn't thought she'd be out here long she just needed her thoughts to stop.

***

Bette woke slowly, rolling over she noticed that Tina wasn't beside her. She looked around and saw that the door was closed. She got up and checked on Xavier who was sleeping peacefully. She kissed him and went downstairs,

"Ti," She said softly.

Bette saw the back door was open and saw the lights were on in the Studio. Bette took a deep breath. she was just glad that Tina hadn't ran. She walked out and saw her wife painting. She could tell her had been here for while, the painting was taking shape.

"Ti," Bette said softly.

Tina turned and looked at her wife,

"Hi, B. I'm sorry did I wake you?"

"No baby, how long have you been up,"

"Since 2am"

"It's nearly 6am now babe,"

"I'm sorry I've lost track of time,"

"Are you okay?"

"No, not really." Tina admitted. As she put her paint brush down.

Bette walked forward and wrapped her arms around Tina.

"I'm here for you,"

"I know I'm trying not to let the voice win." Tina whispered.

Bette hugged her. She kissed her wife's head.

"You're doing fine."

"I'm not but it's nice of you to say so," Tina said holding her close.

"Right wash up and go back to bed. Jake will be here soon to help me with Xavier. You need to sleep."

"This piece needs to dry." Tina smiled softly.

"C'mon." Bette took her wife's hand and they locked up the studio.

They went inside and Bette put Tina to bed.

****

Bette slowly walked up and down with Xavier in her arms. He was restless. Jake had tired to settle him but it hadn't worked now Bette was walking with him. She rubbed his back as he finally started to settle.

Jake walked back into the living area. He was reading a report from a recent doctors appointment for Xavier.

"Bette have you thought about getting Xavier tested," Jake asked.

"For what?" Bette said, lifting her eyebrow.

"Autism,"

"You think my eight-month-old baby could have autism." Bette asked confused.

"We just want to check,"

"Can you really test a eight month old?"

"We can do a set of tests and then as he gets older another set."

"Do you think we should do that?"

"Maybe talk to Tina about it,"

"Yeah, erm, he has settled I'm going to put him to bed, and check on Tina, you gonna take your lunch break?"

"Yeah, cool,"

Bette walked upstairs and put Xavier to bed and went into their bedroom. Tina was lay awake. Curled up. Bette walked in and got onto the bed and spooned her.

"How are you feeling?"

"Meh," Tina said slowly.

"They want to test Xavier for Autism,"

"Oh God something else I fucked up,"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well if she's Autistic that's my fault. My genes are the reason our son has so many problems."

"You can't think like that,"

"Well I do Bette. You do know that it's my body that let him, my genes that are meaning that he could be autistic,"

"Baby they just want to check."

"They must have found something to check him, I'm such a failure."

Bette didn't know how to help her wife now. All she could was hold her.

"You're not a failure. You know that,"

"I feel it, all the time. I've let you down, Xavier, the world. God I'm a terrible mother, a terrible friend and terrible wife," Tina started crying. Her mind was weak.

Bette held her close.

"You are not,"

Tina didn't respond. She let Bette hold her. she hated that her mind did this too her. she just wanted her mind to stop. She wanted the world to stop so she could get off. Bette held her. gently running her fingers through her hair. Tina relaxed completely and slowly drifted off to sleep. She hadn't slept much. Bette knew her mind was overriding again. She had to give Tina the time and love she needed.

Bette lay with her until Xavier woke again and she got up and went to him, smiling down at her boy. She had never felt so much love, she loved her wife and her heart burst into fire when she saw her son.

"Hey baby, I love you," Bette picked him up, as Jake walked in

"How is he doing?"

"Okay, he has a doctor's appointment this afternoon but I don't really want to leave Tina, I'm torn."

"I get that she's having a bad day,"

"She is,"

"I know you're torn, I can stay with Tina if you would like,"

"You're not paid to do that,"

"I know but I understand you need to be with Xavier but you don't want to leave Tina I can stay with Tina."

"Erm no thank you, I will call the doctor and see if they can do a Facetime appointment. It's fine. I don't want to leave Tina right now."

"You have to put your son first sometimes,"

"I get that but I'm not leaving you alone with my wife." Bette said looking at Jake. She suddenly didn't like the vibe she was getting from him.

"Okay, erm. I'm done for the day then."

"Thanks," Bette said watching him go. She called and the hospital agreed to do the appointment via facetime. As it was just a results appointment. she picked up her son, and took him to see Tina, knowing that she would want to be with him.