Her Portrait Is Black and White

Sunday

Tina sat in the window seat in her master bedroom. She loved looking out over the estate that was hers. She'd sat and watched the sunrise with her son in her arms. Her wife sleeping in their bed. She couldn't think of a better way to start her 30th birthday. She kissed the top of her son's head. Watching as he snuggled into her. She felt that her connection was getting deeper. She kissed him again, before moving him. Turning him so he was looking out of the window with her.

"When I was a little girl I used to dream of having an estate like this," Tina whispered. "My mom and dad didn't understand why I didn't want to live in the city. I feel uncomfortable in the city. I am sorry I've let you down, I'm going to try and get better. I love you and your mom very much. I can't wait to see you running around outside. Learning to swim, I hope one day you might have a sibling. I might not be able to do that for you. I don't think my mental health can handle another pregnancy.

"You know you've changed my life. When I'm at hospital, which is where I am most of the time at the moment I think about you and your mama. Bette is my world. So are you, I want to be the best I can be for both of you. I want to be able to give you the best little man."

Tina kissed her son again.

Bette slowly opened her eyes, rolled over and looked at her wife. She smiled when she saw that Tina was sat with Xavier. She could see that Tina was lost in thought, with her arms holding Xavier in place, every so often she would kiss his head. Bette watched her for a few moments, before she slipped out of bed and went over to her wife, sitting looking at her wife,

"How long have you two been up?"

"A few hours." Tina smiled, "We watched the sun rise."

"Nice way to start the day,"

"We had some bonding time." Tina replied as Xavier wiggled.

Tina secured him back into place and gently turned him so he could see Bette, Bette smiled at her son, tickling his tummy. He gently kicked his feet.

"Happy birthday Ti," Bette smiled softly

"Thank you," Tina smiled, "You know it's cheesy but this is the best present,"

"Your son kicking you in the stomach?"

"Yep," Tina smiled softly.

"I'm glad you're home for today," Bette grinned, "I'm going to make you some breakfast, why don't you get little man dressed. Then we can have breakfast together."

Tina nodded but didn't move.

"Are you okay?" Bette asked,

"Yeah, I just feel so comfortable with him and you."

Bette smiled at her wife before she got up and kissed her forehead.

"I love you, babe," Bette smiled.

"I love you too,"

****

Tina lay on the sofa it had been a long day, she'd enjoyed spending time with her family. She'd seen her friends via the internet and now she was just trying to stay calm. She was taking deep breaths. She closed her eyes, she knew that Bette was putting Xavier to bed.

Tina got up, she was panicking a little that she couldn't calm down. She knew she was on the verge of having a panic attack and she couldn't work out what had set her off. She opened the back doors and walked out on to the patio. She sat down, cross legged on the cold floor and closed her eyes. She started to take deep breaths.

Bette walked down and looked around seeing Tina outside, she walked out and listened to her wife's deep breath.

"Are you okay?"

"Panicking," Tina replied

"Why?"

"Duno," Tina took another breath, trying to return her breathing to normal breaths.

Bette walked up behind her and gently rubbed her shoulders. Watching as Tina started to calm down.

After a few moments Tina's breathing back to normal.

"Calm now baby?" Bette asked, her fingers still gently running over Tina's shoulders.

"Yes, sorry,"

"Don't be, it's okay. Have you had a good day?" Bette asked as she helped Tina up and they went back inside.

"I've had a good day, Thank you for my presents,"

"Its my pleasure."

Bette wrapped her arms around her wife,

"You're improving every day," Bette said slowly.

"I am trying to get better,"

"I know and I see it. You've just overcome a panic attack,"

"True," Tina smiled.

"I'm proud of you,"

Tina smiled,

"I'm very lucky, to have you and our son."

"We are lucky to have you and soon you'll be home full time,"

"When I'm ready, I've not even been into the studio since I came home,"

"I know, you have to take one day at a time." Bette said softly.

"How is your business?" Tina asked as she sat on the sofa.

"The galleries are doing well Ti, I might have to go to London at some point but I've been putting it off,"

"Because of me?" Tina said slowly. It dawned on her that Bette had also put her life on hold.

"Yes and because of Xavier. He is not well enough to travel yet and I can't leave you."

"You can't put your business on the back burner, I'm struggling but you can't stop your commitments to you galleries,"

"They have to wait right now,"

"They shouldn't have too,"

"I know but right now yours and Xavier health is the most important thing on our lives."

"Why do you need to go to London?"

"I've been offer a new space in Whitechapel,"

"You need to get that space,"

"I need to take it,"

"Yes, you've always wanted a space in Whitechapel it's the heart of the indie art world in London," Tina said slowly,

"You're right," Bette took a deep breath, "I can do most of the paperwork from here, but I will need to go to the UK at some point to get the space up and running."

"You need me to get better, don't you?"

"Tina,"

"No Bette, you need me to stop putting my head in the sand, you need me to get better and to be stronger."

"I love you, don't force your recovery, take you time," Bette took her wife into her arm, "I can sort my business out I just want you to be okay,"

Tina nodded before hugging her wife close.