Marriage Deal

Part 13.

// Kinda (just kinda) long cause I tried to squeeze everything here 😅🙏😂 //
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Gulf's POV.

A heavy heart and body. I opened my eyes to move a little bit but I winched instead. A pain in my body and in my heart. I don't know now which one is more painful. How I wish I'm a kid again that the only thing hurts is when you fall and got cut on your knees or when your friend says he doesn't want to play with you.

I know I'm being irresponsible, stupid, coward and immature but what else can I do? I have to save my marriage. Even if it's just out of the bet. I loved Mew, I love Mew and I will keep loving Mew.

I looked on my right, I smiled when I see Mew - My husband. His hand is on my waist and he looks peaceful sleeping unlike these past few days that even when he is sleeping he looks bothered, confused and guilty. I wish I can call you my husband until my last breath. I can only wish, I can only hope.

Do you really love me Mew? or you're just guilty? I'm sorry I cannot let you go though. I will die. I am certain that I will die if you leave me Mew.

I want my every morning to be spent beside you, I want to wake up with you by my side. I closed my eyes as I let my silent tears to flow. I let my emotions slip. I am really pathetic.

I recalled the time I confessed to him. He said I am just a brother, a nong who he loves, a best friend, a wife in paper only. He cannot return my feelings. It felt awful. Every word he says throws dagger at my heart and I can only endure. I didn't cry, I cannot cry. I told him that it's okay if he doesn't love me. It's okay if we stayed the same. If we won't be together as lovers then I will be just a brother, it's fine with me. I will stay as his wife until this stupid bet ends but I wish it will never end.

He asked me to go back but I can't. I'm too broken. I don't want him to see me crying. I already cried a lot. I decided to stay by the seaside. Somehow the waves followed the rhythm of my heart beat. It's messed up, It's chaotic.

The sea is calling me. He can understand me, he knows the feeling of being alone, left out and not chosen.

I decided to go to the water. No, I didn't have any intention to die or to take my own life. My parents will be devastated, I don't want them to worry about me. I just want to clear my head.

The sea keeps calling me, singing a song I can only relate, slapping me with cold breeze to embrace the reality but I can't. I don't understand. I don't know what I don't understand.

I dived into the water. It's deep. It's dark. The moon is hiding. The light run away from me, my light did. It matches my emotions, it matches the turmoil inside me.

I swim, I don't know where too. Maybe to the depth of the sea - I don't know.

Something hit my head. I'm feeling dizzy. I'm having leg cramps. The moon shows. Mew, the moon is beautiful isn't it?

The water is pulling me down. I'm losing my breath, oxygen shortage.

I reach out to the moon. I reach out to him to help me. Mew will blame himself, my friends will blame him, my family will blame him but I never will.

Mew, I don't want to die. Everything went black. I didn't hear anything, I didn't see anything. My heart went blank, my mind went blank too.

I woke up in an unfamiliar room. White ceiling, wires and machines on me. Unfamiliar person. Who are you? Who am I?

He is Mew. My husband? I have a husband? Ah right. He is handsome.

The doctor came. He said I am okay but I feel that I am not. I don't remember a thing. I can't recall a thing. I don't even know me. I'm an empty shell.