Being Myself

Fatherly Pains

Little rant about the video. This is Strong live performance. No words truly. This song is really good live than the studio version. Hope you enjoy!!!

Yaser's POV:

After Safaa gave that small speech and left all of us speechless, Zayn was frozen in the same place for sometime. He was lost in his own world. He does that a lot nowadays, just zones out. Closes himself from the rest of the world. It has happened many times. People say that being in such a big band is a privilege but seeing my son like this, I feel that it was more of a punishment for him. He would have been much better had he not become who he was today. Sure we wouldn't be leading such a good life, but atleast we would be happy. Atleast my son would be happy. That's all I want right now. Not the money, not the fame, no none of that. I just want my son to be happy. That's all is what matters. But that's the thing. He has everything: fame, money, talent, recognition. Everything but the main element needed to truly stay alive- happiness, peace. He doesn't have that. Ever since 2014, I don't even know who Zayn is anymore. He definitely is not the Zayn we know. My son Zayn, he was a very cheerful, happy-go-lucky type of person. This person in front of me is none of that. He is quite, reserved and just lost. Where did my son go? Did the industry ruin him beyond repair? What have they done to him?

I slowly and cautiously took a step towards him and gently put a hand on his shoulder. He jumps a bit at the touch and slowly turns around to face me. The sight in front of me breaks my heart. His eyes are bloodshot and his eyes are sunken. Sweat is clinging to his forehead. He looks outside the window and suddenly smiles a small smile. I look in the same direction and see nothing out of the ordinary. He then looks at me and tells me that he will go out for a walk. Before I could protest, he had already grabbed his jacket and was out of the door. I was properly confused. Why was he in such a rush? I went towards the widow and looked outside. The sky was a dark colour which indicated it was going to rain very soon. Suddenly I realised something: Zayn didn't even have an umbrella. He would be drenched. I quickly took an umbrella for him and went outside. I was going towards the park, when it started raining. I opened my umbrella and started walking faster.

When I reached the park, I immediately spotted him. He was sitting on a bench and was totally drenched but I don't think he really noticed it. He was hunched over and was running his hands through his hair. I walked in his direction and sat down with the umbrella hovering over us both. He didn't even realise I was there for sometime. When he did, he looked up at the umbrella and then at me. His brows knot together in confusion and then he asked me what I was doing here in the rain. I scoffed inwardly. What I was doing here? The real question was what was he doing here in the rain, alone and that too without an umbrella? When I asked him the questions I had in my mind he just shook his head. When he looked into my eyes I saw something strange. There were not just rain drops around his eyes. Tears were mixed with them.

It all clicked into place. He left his umbrella on purpose. He came to the park only when it was about to rain, so that he could cry. Cry without being judged or seen. He never cried in front of me or his mom. He never cried in front of his sisters. He never cried in front of anyone. And I knew exactly why he would do this. He didn't want to hurt anybody, that's why he wouldn't cry in front of anyone. He hated to make anyone sad, cry or hurt anyone intentionally. That's why he would always cry alone. Even from the start. Never showing anyone his pain, his weakness, his sufferance, just so that he can keep others happy. Always taking all the pain and suffering silently so that nobody else gets hurt. That is who Zayn is. That's who he always has been. I didn't know what to say so I simply kept the umbrella on the bench, gave his shoulder one last squeeze and quietly made my way back home.

Questions were swirling in my brain by the time I went home. Why couldn't Zayn change in this one aspect? He has completely changed from who he was before. Why couldn't it be that he let go of this one habit? When will he stop thinkin that by expressing himself, he is hurting the ones he is close to? When will he realise that he is hurting us by not telling us about his feelings, about his pain, his sufferings. Guess somethings don't change at all. But I really wished that this aspect of him had changed. Shortly after I arrived, Zayn as well came home. He looked at me with fearful eyes, silently pleading with me to not tell anyone about the park. I nodded and immediately relief flooded his eyes and gratitude was evident in his eyes. He then went upstairs,in order to prevent anyone from seeing him like this. But he wasn't successful in it as his mother saw him. Her eyes went really wide and it looked as though they would fall from her eyes any moment. If the situation was not serious then her expression would actually be comical. When she fussed over how drenched he was and asked him how he got so wet, he lied smoothly saying that he had forgotten his umbrella by mistake. He lied so efficiently. I would have as well believed it had I not known better. He then slumped into his room and shut the door and very efficiently shutting any conversation as well.

What has happened to my son?

(A/N) : Hey guys. So this is the fourth chapter. Did you guys like Yaser's POV? Do tell me. Also, Yaser is really concerned for Zayn. I mean which father won't be if their son or daughter was going through such a tough time. Poor Yaser, Trisha and basically the whole Malik family. I feel really bad for them. They must have had such a tough time.

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