Being Myself

MITAM and Reflections

Little rant about the video. See the video. It is very emotional. Also the song is Good Years by Zayn. Listen to it while reading the chapter. It may or may not help you to feel the chapter.

The photo is self explainatory. I wont say anything. (PS: I did cry when I saw that pic)

Also fair warning: there will be few mentions of ED. And the chapter is very long and is emotional. So all the weak hearted Directioners...you have been warned!!

Zayn's POV:

Things were going on smoothly. People were still showing hate and I mean major hate, but I have learnt to ignore them. One Direction has released their fifth, and last album for a while, Made In The AM. Harry had called me other day. This was going to be emotional for the fans, because this was their first album as a four-piece band. All the lads were with Harry when he had called and they had all specifically instructed me to listen to the album and listen to it very carefully. And so here I was, sitting in my room with my headphones thrown on and MITAM blasting in my ears.  The album was amazing to say the least. It was a freaking masterpiece, the lads did a great job. After the first listen, I was pretty impressed with it. There were certain sad songs but there were also songs which would be great dance tunes.

But it was only at the second listen did I listen carefully and I paid close attention towards the lyrics. The first song which hit me like a ton of bricks was If I Could Fly. It was written by Harry and the lyrics were...emotional. By the time I finished listening to that song, I had tears in my eyes. The lyrics hit home and hit hard as well. The first verse had me. Those verses were beautifully written and with the piano, the song was beyond perfection. Louis's verse was when I started to feel the tears. I've got scars even though they can't always be seen. I knew exactly how that felt. I may not have physical scars but mentally, I have a lot of scars. These lyrics fit my situation very well. I'm missing half of me when we're apart. True Harry. I really am missing half of myself when I am apart from you lads. And it is so true... If I could fly I definitely would go back to the lads. But I can't. Because this time, I chose myself, my health before everything else. And I will stick by my decision, no matter how much it hurts.

The next song which made me emotional was Walking in the Wind. As soon as I paid attention to the lyrics I knew who this song was about. It was about me. It may seem vain to some people that I think a song was written about me but it's true. The first lines only explained it. A week ago you said to be,do you believe I'll never be too far. I had indeed told that to the lads. The same words were used. I remember that night as though it was yesterday. The lads knew that I wanted to leave the band. Niall was a bit upset, Liam and Harry were understanding and Louis was neutral. But that night hell broke loose. I don't know what happened but I had a huge fight with Harry and Louis. They were accusing me of betraying them. Niall was reasoning with them while Liam was trying to calm me down since I was on the verge of an attack when I had heard those words. After we all had calmed down I had went and reasoned with both of them. I had told them that I would only leave the band. I won't leave them. I asked them to trust me and that I would forever and always stay in contact with them, no matter what life throws at us. I had asked them a question: Do you belive me when I tell you that I won't be too far away from you lads? Do you trust me?  And Harry had used the same words. Also, the bridge was a direct indication. The night before I had left, Harry had told the same words to me: Whenever you're feeling down or want someone for support, just close your eyes and see. I will be right by your side. Don't worry. None of us are going anywhere. Don't worry Zayn. I promise this to you. And that promise was kept up by them, for which I was truly grateful. Whenever I wanted to talk to them or whenever I had an attack, I would always call them and I could rely on them. I could trust them with my darkest secrets.