Being Myself

Tired

Little rant about the song. Listen to it. It is Happily Acoustic version and OMG. In the studio version, due to all those instruments you couldn't hear the vocals properly but here you can. Zayn's note was...HOLY MOLY. He sang in such a higher range. I know it's falsetto but still. Anyways hope you enjoy!!

Harry's POV:

(A/N) : This is the day after Zayn had written the song and cried in the night. (Previous chapter)

I am so excited. Today we were gonna have a video call with Zayn. We speak to each other atleast once in a week. Either he calls me or I call him. But the reason for the call is polar opposite for both of us. He would call to talk to us, because he missed us. I would call to check in on him and talk to him. His talk was casual, mine was serious. I was concerned for him. We all were. Ever since he signed into RCA and was forced to release the statement throwing shade towards us, he has been getting a lot of hate. He tells everyone that he is not affected by it. He may fool the entire world, but we know better. We knew what he would be going through. Just as I was thinking this, Louis came inside screaming at the top of his lungs. And here I thought I was the most excited. But it's fair enough. Louis and Zayn were literally partners in crime. They were best friends, are best friends. Zayn said that even I was his best friend. He would always say this, One keeps me alive and the other gives me plenty of reasons to stay alive.

It was finally time. I opened Skype and immediately Zayn's face came into view. After the first few seconds of excitement, I truly looked at him and the sight left me speechless. Speechless and not in a good way. Even though he was smiling, I had lived with him long enough to know that it was fake. His eyes were bloodshot, as though he was crying the previous night. My suspicions were confirmed when he sniffled a bit. A tiny furrow was there between his brows which if not observed carefully, you won't even get to know. His hair was disheveled and his face looked...sullen. Apparently even Louis had noticed this, because he asked Zayn what was wrong. I think that was a wrong question, because Zayn winced slightly but covered it up quickly. He told that nothing was wrong and that he was just tired. How can he lie so smoothly? If I didn't know better, I would have believed him. After that we talked about random things: from our tour to his new album. His first solo album, his debut album.

That night when I was laying in my bed I replied our conversation. That's when it all clicked into place. He didn't lie, he just didn't tell the complete truth. He said that he was tired and he meant it. But he meant it on a deeper level than just being physically tired. He was mentally exhausted. I won't lie and say that I understood how he felt, because I don't. The thing is, we can only sympathise with him in this situation, we can't understand it. We can't feel it, because we have not experienced any of it. We haven't experienced getting hate due to our religion, our race or our colour. We haven't experienced listening to all those harsh words that people throw at us. Sure there were some harsh words, but nothing like the ones he had to face. We haven't experienced the amount of pressure that he faces. We haven't experienced the amount of anxiety that he has. We haven't experienced his pain, his suffering.

He was tired, just tired of everything. This industry is brutal and is even more brutal towards him due to his background. They were crushing him and he was helpless to do anything. He was done. He was tired. I think this realisation was what I needed. This realisation was a closure for me. Closure which led to acceptance. And acceptance which led to peace. Acceptance that he left the band for good and peace for coming to terms with this fact. Till today I had a tiny bit of grudge against him, a tiny bit of anger. But today, all that vanished into thin air. Today I found the finality to this statement. Today I found the light at the end of the tunnel. Today I found the way out of this misery and anger. Today I found back the light.

With this realisation,my face immediately turned up into a gentle and soft smile. But that immediately went away because the thoughts of Zayn crept back into my mind. He was not doing happy. One look at the lad and you would know straight away. I don't like what he is doing. Don't get me wrong. I love it that he went in his own direction and chose his own path. One that he wanted, One that he loved. I was extremely proud of that  for standing up for himself and I was extremely proud of his debut album as well, which he would be releasing in 2016. No that is not the matter. The matter is that he is being stressed a lot. People have a lot of expectations from him and that level of expectation is sure to build pressure. I wouldn't understand how he is feeling because even though One Direction is pretty big, we haven't experienced that level of expectations. The way people talk about him, it is as though they expect him to fail, so that they can criticize him and talk things most of them being: He shouldn't have left or that people who leave end up like this only. This is his chance to prove himself. He may say that he doesn't care about people's words and choices but we all know that it does. But more than anything, the fame, the urge to prove himself, I want him to do two things mainly. One is to make stuff that makes him happy, that makes him who he always wanted to be. Second is for him to take care of himself. For him to be happy. Those are the two things I want him to do. Other than that, no matter what he does, I will support.

His life matters more than any of these people. Him being alive, in more than the literal meaning, is what matters.

(A/N) :Hey guys. So this is the eighth chapter. I don't even know what to tell about this chapter. It was emotional to write. But...Harry finally found finality. I wanted to show that he and the other guys needed some time before accepting and rightfully so. They can't obviously accept all this in just a day or two. Do you think that was a right decision by me?? Do tell me.

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Happy reading!!! :)