wild summer | #wattys2021

chapter fifteen

James' pov

"You've been here for weeks now, man. I think it's time you should go talk to her," my friend, Oliver, told me.

"I know, I've tried calling her but she won't pick up the phone."

I saw Oliver shook his head. "No, what I meant is that you should go and see her face to face. I heard Evie and her girlfriend is having a party at their place tonight. I'm sure Maisie would be there, so you should too. Go see her, talk to her."

"What should I do? I've planned out what to say to her but I'm afraid I will say the wrong thing once I saw her face. I don't even know if she wants to see my face again." 

"Just be you. If she loves you, she will come back. But you have to fight for her first."

"You're right." I nodded. "I have to fight for her."

Later that night, I parked my car somewhere further from Evie's place. As I get closer, I can see Maisie and her group of friends hanging out on the front porch. The house were noisy, there's probably more people inside. Some are laughing, some are drinking. Except for Maisie in her usual cardigan who had her back against the wall. Her arms crossed across her chest, not drinking or laughing, instead she smiles softly at what her friends said.

I wonder what would she do once she saw me. Will she kiss me in front of her friends? Or will she tell me to leave her alone?

The dark cloud in my heart feels heavy and I feel the nervousness creeping inside me. It feels like the first time we met. I remember the first time I met her, I got this strange feeling to protect her, and love her. I remember how her eyes sparkled in the light, and she was wearing this dark green dress with long sleeves. People would say it was love at first sight, but I know I've had feelings for her long before that. 

Amidst all the noise, my mind was silent as I focus my eyes on Maisie. Her smile didn't reach her eyes, her copper hair fell on her shoulders in perfect waves, everything about her was beautiful. Why would I sleep with someone else when I already have this amazing lady with me? I was absurd.

As I got closer to the front porch, I saw Maisie's surprised face as she leaped from her position against the wall. My first instinct was to grab her face and kiss her luscious lips, but I know she wouldn't appreciate that. First, I must tell her how sorry I am, and let her know how much I love her.

"Hello Maisie," I said lightly.

Maisie and Evie looked at each other, their eyes wide as if they were in a silent conversation. Evie sighed before asking the rest of her friends to join her inside, leaving me and Maisie alone on the front porch.

Suddenly, words were lost on me. I stared at Maisie for so long, admiring her beautiful face. I had imagined what I would say when I saw her again, but all of it was missing.

"Maisie," I started. "I'm sorry I left our bed cold for you. I'm sorry I make you wait. I'm sorry I left you worrying. I'm sorry for making you feel lonely. I'm sorry for making you unhappy. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry I wasn't the one to surprise you with lunch while you're working. I'm sorry I didn't dance with you at your friend's party. I know my apologies will not change anything, but I promise I will always love you. If you will have me again I will never leave you standing, I will hold your hand while dancing, and I will wake you up with kisses. I hate myself for hurting you, but I want you to know that I will always care about you, Maisie. You have always stayed on my side and yet I hurt your feelings and break your heart."

I saw her eyes glimmered with tears. It was painful to see her crying again. I want to embrace her and let her tears soak through my shirt.

I continued, "If I can turn back the time, I will choose not to upset you by making such a stupid decision. You can put a damn bullet to my chest, Maisie, but my heart will still beat for you."

My chest clenches as I force a smile on my lips.

"You lied and you cheated on me," said Maisie. "I really shouldn't forgive you but I love you too much to let you go now." She sobbed. "Break my heart once more, I dare you James."

"No sweetheart. I will never break your heart again. No one can ever take your spot next to me. You're the only thing I got, you're the only good thing that I have in my life now, Maisie. I have no one else left, so pleade don't let me live without you," I told her.

Please don't leave me. Be with me. Stay with me.

"I'm sorry because when we first got together, I never tell you that I sometimes get jealous and worried whenever you're out with your friends. But it's only because I don't want you to think that I was a clingy boyfriend and I feared of losing you. I was a fool," I told her.

"No you're not. I'm sorry I never thought about your feelings. I love you because you didn't care if I look silly, you always listen to my ramblings that nobody wants to hear, you laugh when I made a stupid joke about my friends even though you didn't care about them but you laugh anyway because you care about me. So of course I still love you James," Maisie assured me. At that moment I felt a stab of relief inside me.

"And I love you Maisie. I got nothing but love for you. Goddammit, I love you so much."

She wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. I rested my hands on her waist, holding her as close to me as I can before letting my fingers wiped the tears from her cheeks tenderly.

I know I haven't been a good man to her lately but I have learned so much in the last couple of weeks. Now I will change for the better. I will strive to make her happy.

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