wild summer | #wattys2021

epilogue

Hazel's pov

3 years later

It was an early summer morning when I entered the bakery. The bakery was not too crowded or noisy. As I walked down the pastry aisle, the smell of vanilla, burnt sugar, and freshly baked bread greeted me and it felt warm and sweet.

My eyes scanned through the bakery display case full of assorted cakes, muffins, and cookies. I saw a blueberry tart and there's only one left so I quickly reach into the case but then another hand belong to someone else had beat me to it.

"Oh sorry, were you reaching for this one?" the lady asked.

I studied the lady closely and her beauty intrigued me. She had a beauty that made those runway model look dull and nothing compared to her. I feel anxious looking at her matured face and long silky auburn hair.

"No, it's okay. You can have it," I told her.

"Oh thank you! It's for my husband actually. He wants a blueberry muffin but there's only chocolate muffin, so I thought of getting this tart for him," explained the lady.

"My boyfriend loves blueberry too," I blurted. James was never my boyfriend, but for once in my life I would like to pretend that he's mine to love. I know I can keep pretending but I will never be happy.

She's wearing a lavender summer dress and I noticed her small baby bump. She saw me staring at it so I decided to ask her, "How far along are you?"

She smiled while cradling her baby bump. "I'm only 3 months pregnant."

"It must be exciting," I said while smiling back at her. "May this journey be blessed and lovely for you and your husband."

"Thank you, we are beyond excited to welcome the baby into the world."

My smile dropped for a moment the same way my heart did. I should feel happy for her, I am happy for her. But at the same time my heart is breaking because it has been my dream to get married and have a baby with the man I love, instead this wonderful lady got to marry the man I used to love and have his baby. They will make such a beautiful family.

It surprised me how I can still remember her face after looking at it only once because James used to have their photo together as his phone background.

The past few years have been hard for me to forget him. I poured my heart out to the man only to ended up alone again. I've been having a hard time adjusting my life without him because it's hard to be anywhere when all I want is him. I can't even go to the beach, the diner, the parking lots, or even the road that leads to his house anymore because all they did was reminding me every bits and pieces of his charming smile and brown hair.

That's the thing with illicit love affair, they will never have happy endings. James was a nice guy. He knew how to touch me like no one else can. He had my sense of humor and he always cared for me. What we had was both friendship and sexual relationship, which made it hard for me not to fall in love with him and it was even harder for me when he left.

Everything we had was only temporary. The worst part was that I saw it coming. I knew he'd leave me but I still fell hard for him.

To make myself feel better, I convinced myself that his once girlfriend-now wife, was pompous and has gone ugly. But looking at the lady in front of me now, how can I deny how beautiful she is. She seems lovely too. And of course she will make an amazing mother. This is the woman that James love. She is everything that I am not, and she's also everything that I wish I could be.

I saw the worried look on her face when I suddenly went quiet.

"Are you alright?" she asked sweetly, reaching out to hold my hand in comfort.

I pulled away a little too quickly. "Nothing," I said too forcibly. "You should pay for that before someone else grab it."

She hesitated for a moment before looking at me with a soft smile. "You're right. Thank you for letting me have this. Have a good day."

She took the blueberry tart and an egg tart before she went on her way.

My eyes followed her from afar. When she made her way out of the bakery, I looked through the glass window to see her walking along the pathway until a familiar looking man came and kissed her on the forehead.

In my heart, I wished that was me in his arm and carrying our baby. I wished it was me that he talked to about all his excitement and his plan for our little family in the future. But in my head, I knew it was wrong. James belong with her, not me. She have seen the other side of James that I didn't get to see.

I turned away and letting a few tears slip on my cheeks. I can feel a pain weighing heavy on my chest and I felt suffocated.

I never thought I would love you this much. I hope it hurts you whenever you think of me. Do you ever think of me, James?

Once I'm back at my place, I sat on the queen bed. Everything in the room was new. Even the whole place is new because I recently moved in a few months ago. Now I'm staying alone and free to go wherever and do whatever my heart desires.

I slipped out the crumpled letter that I hid under my pillow. It's the letter from James and the only reminder of what we used to have. The only reminder that James was real and not just my figment of imagination.

Every night I will read the letter before I fell asleep.

Hazel,

I never meant to hurt you so please forgive me. I know one day I'm going to catch myself missing you, but I hope by then you have moved on. I hope you will find someone to love, to cherish, and someone to be wild with because I know how much you love the thrill of the rush. What we had was special but we both know it has to end. It may take a while for both of us to heal from this wild summer but I know we will be okay, maybe not now, but someday. Be happy, Hazel.

James

I remember every words and every moments. The wound he left me still hurts to this day, but there is no hate in me because all I feel for him is love.

Summer slipped away faster than I anticipated. He came like a strong ocean wave and disappeared like a ghost. Back then I was living for the hope that he would eventually be mine. Whenever we found ourselves tangled in the bedsheets, I almost thought that I had him. I savoured every moment I had with him because in that moment, I didn't need anything else but him, and for me it was enough. But then he left and I realized he was never mine.

The letter will always bring a bittersweet memory to me. I hope she makes you happy James, and I will never forget you for as long as I live. I also wish I could live long enough to see your baby. This time, I hope you're truly happy James. Please be happy, for me.

the end 🌿

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