The State of Broken Things

Raise A Little Hell

Cassiel ~

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

Aristotle

Raise A Little Hell

Senior year is something I've simultaneously looked forward to and dreaded my entire life.

I've known since I was 10 that I wanted to go to law school, and by the time I was 12, I knew I wanted to be a prosecutor. Corporate law isn't my thing. I see what my parents do all day. It's interesting, but not nearly as interesting as criminal defense.

So, on one hand, I'm thrilled.

This means my life is about to start. For real. It's the first in the long line of achievements everyone wants to experience. You go to college, get a job, get married. Have kids.

Like I said, my life is about to begin.

So on the other hand, I'm terrified.

This is one of those situations that feels like a dropkick into the deep end. You can't really prepare for it. I'll be living on my own, supporting myself. It's a type of independence I've never experienced, which is, again, simultaneously terrifying and thrilling.

For the longest time, I always told myself that I needed to go it alone. People always say not to go to college with a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever. I agreed with them. Most high school relationships aren't mature enough to carry over into college. Not if you want to grow and become an adult like you're supposed to.

I don't think my love story was ever like that.

My boyfriend - I'll never get tired of calling him that - has been through more in the past year than anyone should have to go through in their entire lives. Lost his mother at 17, dealt with her cancer for five years prior. His parents did their best during that time, but from what I've heard, he became a secondary priority. Neglected. Has a whole host of anxiety issues. His dad was messed up after Elena - his mom - died.

It's understandable. I know that. He had a right to his pain. But Christian has kids. A son and a daughter that he needed to take care of, and he didn't. He ended up putting way too much responsibility on Adrian's shoulders, and as strong as he is, he wasn't cut out for all of that.

So, therefore, Adrian had to grow up way too fast than what could be considered fair. Even though he can still be a child sometimes, he's matured quickly. He rolls his eyes all the time at our classmates and their teenage problems. Yeah, sometimes they're dumb, but he deserved to have enough innocence to be upset about things like that.

He wouldn't hold me back. I know I still have some growing to do, and he would encourage it.

When it comes to autonomy, Adrian is almost annoyingly insistent that we have to continue to be our own separate people. It helps that we couldn't be more different. Opposites attract, you know? So, even with all of the time we spend together, he constantly makes sure that I still have time with my other friends and ensures that all of our time isn't spent together, which used to make me feel like he didn't want to see me.

That wasn't true at all, and I understood when I asked him to explain.

I've told him thousands of time that lots of issues would be solved faster if we just talked about what was bothering us, and he understands that. He does his best to talk about it.

Compared to the other high school relationships I've had, we're miles ahead. And I can't imagine having what I have with Adrian with anyone else. I love him. And he's the best person I've ever met.