The State of Broken Things

Dum Spiro, Spero

Adrian ~

"They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for."

Tom Bodett

Dum Spiro, Spero

It comes as a shock to most people when they discover that I like reading.

I guess it makes sense. When you think of me, it's highly unlikely you'd think I'd spend any amount of time poring over pages of fiction, falling in love with some characters and absolutely despising others.

Most of the stories I read aren't exactly realistic. Science fiction, fantastical romance. But I think that's exactly why I love them. Books and movies always have a conclusion. They have an end, and once you reach it, most things are resolved and while it may be sad, it's also finished. It's hard to exist in a world without magic, a place in which the only real thing I have to look forward to is a mad and mundane world, with no magic and no joy.

These days, I find myself reading less. Not because I love it any less, because I still do. Less still entails at least two or three books a month, but I guess I don't need it as desperately as I used to, because I'm practically living through a fantastical romance. Minus the unicorns and vampires, but still just as magical.

Today is the day of our senior prom, and I never thought I would ever see Addie this excited over something like a dance, but she's practically glowing. She's been talking to us about her dress and makeup and hair all day today, forcing us to go along with her to all of her appointments where I stood and nodded whenever she asked me if I liked it.

I was pretty useless, actually. But it was fun seeing her so happy.

Once we had gotten back to Cas's, Addie went to put her gown on, shooing us away to go put on the suits. I didn't even get to pick mine. They conspired about it behind my back and haven't even shown me yet.

"Do you like it?" Cas asks from behind me, where I'm staring at the completely black tux, hanging in his closet, shirt and tie and everything all satin and shiny.

"Yeah," I say, reaching out to touch it. "We still have an hour before we have to leave, though, do I have to put it on yet?"

Cas snorts. "No."

"It's really nice," I say. "I hope I get to wear it more than just once."

Cas hugs me, kissing my cheek. "Wear it during a job interview or something. Or on your first day of classes, or at your 20 year high school reunion."

I shudder. "All that is going to come way too fast. I can feel it. We're getting old."

"Yes," Cas says. "The ripe old age of 18, the two of us."

I laugh, pushing past him to jump on his bed, rolling back over onto my back. He follows, joining me and propping himself up on his pillow.

"Have you ever thought about it?" Cas asks, tentatively. Hopefully. "The future?"

The unspoken words resonate heavily in the air between us. The future, with me. Our future, together.

I've gotten lost in many a daydream about an apple pie life with Cas. White picket fence and all, complete with a hundred scenarios as to how that would get derailed.

Maybe even more so than the unspoken words, the unspoken fear hangs over us. We've been avoiding talking about college, because things have just gotten good again and we both get upset talking about this. It's one of those scenarios, as to how we would mess it up.