The State of Broken Things

Riddles of Solitude and Pain

Addie ~

"Perhaps watching someone you love suffer can teach you even more than suffering yourself can."

Dodie Smith

TW: drinking, bad reactions to medication (no hospitalization)

Riddles of Solitude and Pain

I'm a hypocrite.

Thing is, I know that I'm a hypocrite. I have no right to be upset with people for judging Adrian because that was exactly what I did.

When I first met Adrian, I was super apprehensive about him. Cas sang his praises and practically painted him as infallible. However, that wasn't what I heard from other people, and it definitely wasn't what I thought of him when this tall, timid, weird boy showed up in Vancouver. So I practically interrogated him.

Even after that, I still had a hard time with him. He was just so quiet and withdrawn, almost like he was better than everyone. Eventually, when I moved down to Lakeside and I got to spend more time with him, he slowly began to trust me and I got to know him a little better. Not everyone has the time to get to know him, though.

Adrian's the kind of person you have to know in order to understand, and you have to understand in order to love.

And I do. He's one of my best friends now, and I love him. He's the kind of good that makes you want to protect him from the world, and I understand Cas's urgent need to mother him all the time. Adrian's self-preservation instincts are practically non-existent. Part of me feels the need to look after him sometimes too.

Regardless of that, though. He's my friend. One of my best friends, and when he's hurting, it sucks.

So when someone is attacking him, it sets my teeth on edge.

Katrina McDermott worked her way into our friend group this year, and she's genuinely a nice person. To everyone but Adrian. When he isn't there, I enjoy her company. But then Adrian shows up and she starts being so passive-aggressive toward him and it's never sitting right with me.

When I asked Cas about it, he got really defensive.

"Are you saying she's not a good friend?" he demanded. "She's not even mean to you."

"Yeah, but she's mean to Adrian," I said. "Why doesn't that bother you more?"

He never gave me an answer. I'm pretty sure he didn't have one.

Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I glance at the clock again, trying to listen to my college counselor talk about my baseline test scores and safety schools and reaches. I stopped trying to listen half an hour ago. Jolie catches my eye, raising her brow. Because my parents don't live here, she's my legal guardian, and required to be present for this stupid parent meeting.

Swallowing, I sit up straighter and refocus my attention, only to lose it again five seconds later.

As soon as the meeting is done, I grab my bags and hurry outside, Jolie trailing after me.

"What was that about?" she asks me. "This is important information, Addie. You needed that in order to apply for colleges."

I shrug. "Cassie told me most of it."

"Yes, but this is your college situation specifically," she says. "You're smart. You know you have to pay attention to that."

Looking away from her, I sigh. "I'm sorry. We had a crazy day at school today, I was just distracted. Adrian got in a fight today and I think Cas is going to kill someone."